A bad day. Asinkingday.
One that he had been consumed by and told himself he wasn't good enough to have received any sort of help from the Blackhands after the spoiled child he'd been parading around as.
A day that he knew he would have more of despite anything he did to try and numb himself of it.
"Thank you," Dorian managed, taking pushing the wagon one step at a time.
"You know, I was where you are a few years ago," she said softly. "Well... Not with the whole losing your kingdom and all the lies and—“ she stopped herself from going off on a tangent, and she sighed. "What I mean is, I lost someone close to me. A mentor and friend." She pushed her hand behind her neck, staring at the ground. "I don't remember the first couple of months after it happened. I pretty much lived in that tavern."
"How did you get over it?"
"I didn't," she admitted. "I still fight every day. Friends help if you let them in."
"What was the hardest part for you?" he asked, hanging on to her every word.
"Accepting it."
He slowed in his steps, nearly stopping, and his heart knotted.
"I never wanted it to be real," she continued. "Thought if I numbed myself, it would eventually go away. Maybe I'd wake up one morning, and it all be a lie." She sighed and sat up, leaning over her knees. "I won't tell you that it gets any easier, Dorian."
And he looked up at the sound of his name.
“—Or that one day you'll wake up, and the memory of it will no longer consume you," she said. "What I will tell you is that youcanfight. You have that option. You can fight, or you can drown. Fighting means treading in the water. It means taking that next breath even when you think the weight of it all is pulling you under. It doesn't mean thinking you'll ever be over it or forgetting what happened. It means moving forward instead of moving on. And if anyone ever tells you to move on, you should cut their throats. No questions asked. Moving on is a preposterous lie."
He scoffed. "Had a lot of people tell you to do that?" he asked.
"Far too many to count," she grunted.
He paused and glanced up at her. "How long have you been waiting to tell me this?" he asked.
“Since you arrived, and I recognized that pain."
He remembered how Reverie had called him out on such a front. "Is it that obvious?" he asked.
"Maybe not to all," she said. "No one knows the extent of the pain you're feeling. I cannot imagine it. Everything you've been through in just these last few cycles after years of peace and not knowing anything but sunlight."
Dorian pushed a few more feet on the wagon, allowing her words to sink in and pressing his shoulder against the wood. His thighs quivered with every step, burning emotion settling behind his sinuses. Muscles tightening, he paused a moment, and he looked up at her as he caught his breath.
"How long before it stops hurting?" he asked, his heart feeling as though it were bleeding warmth in his chest.
"It doesn't," she admitted. "But we keep fighting. A little at a time."
Dorian nodded solemnly, hands resting on his hips as the morning sun peeked from behind the clouds. He sighed his head back on his neck, eyes closing, and he soaked it in a moment, allowing her words to settle in his trembling heart.
We keep fighting.
"I don't feel this carriage moving, little King," she teased then. "Don't tell me these growing shoulders are exhausted already."
Dorian huffed amusedly, and he opened his gaze to meet her smiling softly at him. "Thank you," he managed.
She winked at him in response, and then she clapped her hands together. "Enough small talk for today. Let's see that hustle," she said. "I want your Belwark to have to walk all the way across the stadium to bring us breakfast."
Dorian chuckled. "Dammit, I love this place," he said under his breath.
He pushed and pushed on that wagon, not looking how far across he was, stopping a couple of times to catch his breath. Until finally, it hit the other side of the stadium, and Katla smirked down at him.
Corbin had to trudge across the stadium to bring them breakfast, Reverie, and Hagen with him. Katla and Reverie left them soon after, Katla insisting the pair needed to get a head start on training. Katla told Hagen he should prepare himself for what she had planned for them that evening.
