“Where are you going, Princess?” Lex called.
“To make myself scarce as I promised I would,” she called back. “You are free of me and your promise to my sister. You may do what you please.”
"Fucking—Aydra, give me strength," she heard Lex mutter under her breath. “Don’t be stupid, Nyssari,” Lex shouted.“Nyssa!”
Nyssa ignored Lex’s shouts as she pressed across the beach to Nadir's shack. That hollow numbness had spread to all her extremities. She filled her bag and grabbed her bow. She wasn’t sure what she was doing. She didn’t know where she would go.
But she couldn’t stay there.
"Nyssari!" Lex shouted again.
Nyssa pushed her boots on her feet and made northeast into the Forest of Darkness.
Nyssa cursed herself the moment she stepped into the forest.
She walked in an almost trance-like state, re-living every word she'd spoken not just to Lex but also to Nadir the night before, memorizing the tone of her voice. She cursed the sky, muttering out loud as she stomped over great roots and stray broken limbs. Her only comfort was that her eagle was following overhead. Even if she couldn't hear him, at least she was not completely alone.
Truthfully, she didn't know what to do.
Where to start.
How to prove herself worthy of being in that room when Nadir's people clearly didn't trust her or how to prove herself worthy of Lex's protection and friendship without being simply a duty to her.
It was an uncomfortable situation Nyssa never thought she would find herself in. She was still grasping at the fact that her sister was gone, and now she was expected to fight a battle she didn't know how to win.
Nyssa pressed on.
Through the whispering forest for hours until the beach filled her ears once more. With the familiar smell of salt mixed with pine back, she paused at the edge of the surf and shredded herself of her bags and bow.
It was here that she finally allowed it all to consume her. Away from the judging gazes of her friends and the Honest people. Completely alone and numb.
Only she and the crashing waves.
She screamed into the nothingness.
Acknowledging every doubt in her head. Every whisper of her failures. Every fear. Every fire. Draven falling. Her sister burning. Rhaif burning and shouting at her that day. Her being separated from Dorian. The cries and songs of the Noctuans. Pushing Lex away. Telling Nadir goodbye.
She allowed every shred of it to flow through her muscles and agonize her existence.
Her screams shattered the air to the point she could not feel her throat and far after. Her pores ignited and twisting. The voices were so loud she thought her ears would bleed. As though the Aviteth were standing behind her and shrieking.
But she had to get it out.
She couldn't hold herself hostage with it all any longer. Snapping and shouting at her friends was not an option. She had lost and pushed away the last two people around her that gave her any sort of comfort. She knew if she didn't do something, she would lose more than what she already had. She had a job to do, and she couldn't keep pushing people away to do it.
Her muscles became so on edge from the memories and fears while she screamed that she felt like they were peeling her skin off. But she didn’t shake it. She sank herself fully beneath its weight and succumbed to its depths.
Her knees hit the ground, and she grabbed her hair, pushing her hands through the strands at the nape of her neck. Muscles stretching and writhing, her bones almost vibrating. The physical pain matched the turmoil inside her.
A warmth pooled in her stomach and moved outwards to her limbs.
Her core twisted and came alive. There was a snap. A break inside her. A release of something unexpected. What felt like knives piercing her skin raked up her forearms, and a cold wind wrapped her skin. She screamed again as the pain twisted her heart and stomach.
Blood trickled from her ears.
Something was wrong.
This was new.
