The dark of Lex’s normally bright green eyes made a lump form in Aydra’s throat. She said nothing in response, and instead started rubbing the water over her back.
“Aydra, speak to me,” Lex begged.
“What do you want me to say?” Aydra whispered.
“How did he do this to you? Did you not fight back?”
“Of course I did,” Aydra said fast.
But then she thought about it a moment, and she shook her head and surrendered the truth of it. “I mean… not really. No,” she admitted. “The raven managed to get him once, but…” Aydra sighed and brought her knees to her chest, the shame of it spreading through her shaking body. Her stomach knotted at the admission of her loss, and she swallowed hard beneath Lex’s stare.
“Once his body is of fire, it is paralyzing. You cannot move,” Aydra breathed. “You don’t understand.”
“No, I don’t,” Lex almost shouted. “I don’t understand how the most fearless woman I know was pushed to submission in the middle of the night, burned, and then raped by her own brother.”
“Because I did not know it would be this bad,” Aydra argued. “He hasn’t burned me inyears,” she whispered. “Not since the night Vasilis died.”
“And the rape? Are you going to condone that?” Lex balked.
“I am not condoning anything,” Aydra spat. “My brother loves me. He promised a long time ago, his pleasure would be all he would ever do to me, and only on occasion… He has been true to his word since. I learned quickly how to rip my conscious from my body and into the raven’s so that I did not have to endure his nights.” She paused and started rubbing the burns on her wrists, watching the red wash into the liquid as though it were paint on her skin. “It’s my fault he’s like this. Our mother and Vasilis were always so hard on him. Arbina never treated him as her son until he was marked, and Vasilis… Vasilis pushed him to be crude, to lose the sweetness he’d long hugged to just to speak down to myself and Zoria. But… we swore to be better than Vasilis and Zoria. That our youngers would never know the hurt of it. And they haven’t. I’ve made sure to keep them in the dark about this.”
Lex’s nostrils flared. “You’re making excuses for him.”
“I’m not—”
“Yes. You.Are,” Lex growled. “You may think he loves you, but this is not what love is. Love is not this pain. It is not the excuses and the promises he’s made to you.” Tears were in Lex’s eyes, and she started to reach out for Aydra’s hand, but stopped short upon remembering the water.
“I have always supported you, whatever decisions you make, whatever you needed or wanted… But I will not stand here and watch him do this to you as though you are nothing more than a servant for him to throw around. You are theQueen.Not a decoration on his arm. Not just a pretty face wearing a crown. Whatever problems he has faced in his past, they are not your fault. You have never been anything less than the strongest woman I know. Do not let his words get in your head and make you feel inferior.”
Aydra’s jaw tightened, and she inhaled the deepest breath she’d taken in a long while. She nodded slowly and sat her chin on her knee. A moment passed, and Aydra continued rubbing at the red marks on her skin, burying the pain of it washing away deep in her core.
“You cannot breathe a word of this, Lex,” Aydra managed after a few moments. “And you cannot harm him.”
Lex sighed audibly, and Aydra knew the look she would have on her face without looking up. “I know,” Lex finally said.
“I will be ready next time,” Aydra promised.
“Next time?” Lex repeated. “I—”
Aydra held a hand up and shook her head. “He is on edge. Something is wrong, and I’m not sure what.”
“And that is an excuse to hurt you?”
“I am not saying it is an excuse, I am simply telling you the truth of it,” Aydra almost snapped. “I will not pretend to think this is over.”
“What can I do?” Lex asked.
Aydra thought about it a moment, “I want you to stick closer to Bard. Find out if there’s anything going on that he’s not telling me. I want to know everything and everyone he speaks with. Employ Corbin or any of our women if you need to.”
Lex nodded. “Yes ma’am.”
“And I’ve told Nyssa that we will be traveling to the Forest for the Dead Moons. She’s yet to meet any of the Noctuans. I have failed her training.”
“You haven’t failed anything,” Lex argued. “But I think a break from here would do you both well,” she agreed. “Our trip to rid the Infi was short-lived. Now that the streets are once more safe, I believe a month away would do you a great favor.”
“I’m not sure a month away would be wise,” Aydra said. “A couple of weeks, sure. But not a month.”
“Why not? Your brothers can take care of things in your place. You need a break, Aydra. A real break. Not just one of your skirts off to the cliffs.”
