I’m pissed about Jared, furious that he managed to find me after all this time, but underneath that anger there’s something uglier clawing its way up my throat: shame.
Not just for the things he said, but for the way I let myself fall apart in front of Dean, Grant, and Callum like that.
I’m more angry at myself than anything else.
They’ve been kind, more than kind, but that’s the problem.
I can’t.
I just…can’t.
“Mama?” Eli’s tired voice stirs me out of my thoughts.
I smile and head back over to the bed. “Want to see the winter wonderland outside?”
He nods his head, one hand coming up to rub at his eyes while he blinks the other one sleepily.
I smile, pulling him into my arms, inhaling the sweet, sleepy scent of him.
Lifting him up into my arms, we shuffle to the window together.
The second he looks outside, he gasps at the sight, his face lighting up like the Christmas lights in my shop.
“Pretty, hm?” I say, kissing his warm cheek.
To my surprise, a utility van has pulled up at the curb over by the park. Two people are already out grabbing shovels from the back of it to work on removing the snow covering the sidewalks.
Behind them, a large truck pulls up.
The driver gets out and even from here, I recognize him: Mark Walters, the holiday board’s supervisor.
His hand cups over his eyes as he stares out at the park, his other moving while directing the two guys with shovels.
The Christmas market is a quirk of our holiday-obsessed town and one of the only things people around here look forward to.
Booths draped in garland, twinkling lights strung between trees, the faint scent of mulled cider wafting through the park as people walk past.
It’s a yearly tradition that no one wants to miss, which apparently includes our board’s supervisor.
I have no doubt that if he can get the park cleaned up by noon, vendors will brave the bad roads just to set up their booths.
Eli bounces in my arms. He practically suctions his face to the glass, fogging it. “Can we go? Please, Mama? The market!”
I hesitate, glancing at the adjoining door where the men are stirring. They’ve been my unexpected guardians, but venturing without them feels like tempting fate. But so does letting them tag along.
What kind of rumors would start circulating if people started reading into their protectiveness of Eli and me?
“Please?” Eli begs, leaning back from the window to look at me.
Beyond his face print, three more vans have pulled up to start working on clearing things.
I sigh, feeling the urge to pinch the bridge of my nose as a slight headache starts to form.
“How about we eat breakfast first, and then we’ll see how far the clean-up efforts have gotten.”
“Yay!” He cheers, wiggling from my arms.
He drops down to the floor and scrambles over to the door. It’s thrown open with a flourish. He’s greeted by three sets of rumbling voices before he disappears into the other room.
