None of us move.
Dean’s hand is still on the gearshift, frozen in place as he stares ahead at the door.
Callum leans forward to rest his arms over the back of the bench seat.
“We sure about doing this?”
Dean exhales through his nose. “We have to. If we don’t, she’s gone for good.”
He’s right. We all know it.
I glance back at the house.
Somewhere inside, she’s probably sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket with Eli in her lap, trying to convince herself she made the right decision as they celebrate Christmas alone.
Is she thinking about us too? Hoping we’ll show up despite her trying to push us away?
“Alright,” I say, more to myself than anyone. “Let’s go.”
When Dean opens his door, the cold rushes in again, making me shiver.
We step out one by one, boots crunching on the snow, our breath ghosting in front of us.
Reaching the top step on the porch, we huddle together, our hands tucked into our pockets.
Dean reaches for the door first.
For a long second, his hand just hovers in the air a few inches from the wood.
I can see his breath fogging in front of him, see the hesitation flicker across his face because we all know there’s no going back once he knocks.
When he finally does, I hold my breath.
The faint sound of footsteps stops behind the door.
The knob turns, the jam parting from the frame slightly then a little face appears.
Eli.
He blinks up at us a few times before sucking in a short breath.
“You finally came!” he says, voice bubbling with excitement.
His hair is a mess of dark curls sticking up every which way like he just woke or abandoned getting his hair untangled just to answer the door.
His pajamas are wrinkled, covered in tiny reindeer leaping across the fabric.
His cheeks are flushed pink and his grin is big enough to break the tension hanging in the air.
God, the sight of him almost hurts.
For a heartbeat, it’s like everything’s normal again.
Like the world hasn’t cracked open beneath our feet the past few hours.
Like we’re just stopping by on Christmas with our arms full of presents and jokes, ready to spoil him and his mom like always.
That ache deep in my chest tightens.
