Eurgh! Of course I want everything with Gio, but who says he wants the same? He’ll probably be glad to see the back of me at the end of this. I’m surprised I haven’t scared him away with the amount of baggage I come with. I’m damaged goods; that will never change. With the amount of physical and emotional scars I have, I’ll always feel broken. I heard Martin’s derogatory comments often enough to know that I’m useless, worthless, and no man will ever want his sloppy seconds.
“What did I ever see in you?”
Martin grips my hair tightly and pulls my head backwards. It feels like he’s about to snap my neck and there isn’t one thing I can do to stop him.
“You make me sick. The day you walked into my life, everything changed.” He spits in my face.
“You can let me go,” I cry out. “I’ll leave.”
He laughs hysterically. He looks like a maniac. A mad man possessed.
“I’ll never let you go. You’re mine. To do with as I please. You’ll be seen and not heard from this moment on, do I make myself clear?”
“Yes.” I sob.
He pushes me away from him and I land on the floor on my backside. I look up carefully in time to see him walking out of the kitchen. I take a huge breath in and out, feeling my lungs fill up with pure air. This is what happened because I answered the phone to his boss. Well, I didn’t know it was his boss. The phone rang and it was only me here. I take it I’m not to answer the phone at all now. Just another rule in my forever growing list. I’d be as well stuck in a cage. Animals have more freedom.
My phone rings and snaps me out of my depressive state. I’m having one of those days when my rational self can’t remain positive. It’s too easy to think about the negative things and let them tear me down. The least little thing transports me back to the past. I’m not strong enough to walk around with a permanent mask on that says I’m okay all the time. Occasionally, it slips, and the whole world gets a glimpse at the dark place I’m in. While I’ve been here in Bulgaria, that dark abyss hasn’t consumed me as much as it did back home. I’ve been happy. I’ve felt alive for the first time in God knows how long. I feel free here.
“Hello.” I sigh.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” asks Gavin.
I turn onto my back on the lounger and take in a deep breath. “Nothing. I’m at the beach.”
“Yeah, and I know you better than that, doll. Every time I’ve spoken to you lately you’ve had a burst of energy. Today, you sound…” He pauses for a few moments and I move the umbrella to block out the sun from my face. “I don’t know. You sound defeated. Talk to me.”
“I’m just being silly.”
“Let me be the judge of that. Now, start talking before I book a flight out to Bulgaria.”
I sit up quickly because I know my brother is impulsive where I’m concerned. It won’t take him two seconds to book a flight and be on his way out here.
“I’m just having one of those days where I let my dark thoughts consume me. I’ll be fine.”
“And…?”
I bang my hand down on my knee, because my brother is like a dog with a bone when he wants to know something. He won’t let go until he gets what he wants.
“I just…” I look out to the sea and try to think about what to say. “You know this guy I’ve kind of been seeing a lot of?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, I really like him, Gav. He’s kind, considerate, attentive, and he treats me like a queen.” I take in a deep breath. “I’ve never felt so cherished before.”
“Okay. So, what’s the problem?”
“It will have to end when I come home.” I sigh dramatically.
I feel like a child being told I’m not allowed something. I want to stand in the middle of this beach and have a tantrum. I know how childish that sounds, but that’s the mood I’m in today. Why couldn’t Giovani and I cross paths when he lived in Scotland? Why now, when we’re a million miles apart? Okay, that’s probably a slight exaggeration, but it feels like we live different lives. His life and my life are so extremely far apart.
“Harls, why does it need to end?”
“Because I live in Scotland and Giovani lives here for part of the year and goes travelling for the other part. He’s easy going. Whereas I’m this hermit that likes routine and structure.” Tears sting my eyes, but I’m determined not to let them fall.
“Listen to me, because I don’t want you to do something irrational. Think about your life, Harleigh. Think about where you’ve come from, what you’ve faced, and then think about the last couple of weeks. If you like this Giovani guy, tell him. You can work anywhere in the world, doll. Whether you teach or edit, you can do it freelance. By the sounds of it, this guy has made his mark on you and I know you wouldn’t just let anyone roll into your life. That means he’s special. That means you have something worth fighting to keep.”
“I don’t know, Gavin. What if he doesn’t want to be a permanent thing? What if I’ve just been another notch on his bedpost? He’s got everything going for him. What do I have to bring to a relationship?”
