He replies instantly.
That ain’t a lie, Peach. You’re a high I never want to come down from. You’re my weakness. And I know you don’t believe me; you have every reason not to. But I’ve been breathing for you for a long time now.
So, you watched me drown so that you could be the one to pull me out? To love what’s left?
You think you’re not the one I hoped for, but you are. Since that rainy day in May when you crashed into me. You stole it all, Peach. One smile, one flutter of your lashes. I was born to run, but you anchored me. I just hope you’ll still love me when the last wall falls, and you see who I really am.
His words leave cracks in my defences.
He sends another:
It’s the broken pieces that make something beautiful. I might not be him, but fuck, I will set you on fire just to be the one to put you out. I’ll run until you see how worthy you are.
He wants Pandora to come tothat party. To kiss her. To touch her. But I am her. So, does he want me?
I shouldn’t have sent Dane that message. Maybe it should’ve gone to Carrie. He doesn’t deserve to be slapped with the fact that I’m still begging for Blake to see me.
But Dane... he’s the kind of man my Nana used to write about the hero. The safe place.
So why do I hesitate?
Because I’m addicted to pain. A sinner for lust. A liar dressed in rose-coloured grief.
Peach, I wish I was there. I’d kiss your lips, fill your lungs with my air. Don’t fall back. Fall forward.
I reply:Since I met you, I’ve never been the same.
Where were you eleven years ago?I ask.
Peach, I was placed in your path when you needed me the most. It was killing me to stay away, but I had to wait until the time was right.
You had to wait? Till the time was right? Dane, where are you? Hold up, wait a minute, who are you? What do you do?I’m confused...Maybe I’m far too drunk...
Fuck, every minute I find a new way to make life harder. But you, you make it better.
He’s dodging the question. I let it slide. For now.
Because Blake is talking again.
“I’ve been doing things that are bad for me, baby girl,” he whispers to our daughter. “Trying to feel better for breaking her. But I had to leave. I had to know what else was out there. I saw the boys with their new girls, and I thought... I thought I needed that too. But it wasn’t real. She was real, wasn’t she my little love. Your mamma she was real.”
I look down. I’m still wrapped in Dane’s jacket. I hadn’t even noticed.
He’s been my constant. The smell of safety. The warmth I curl into when I think I want Blake.
But I don’t.
Blake’s voice is soft, cracking with grief.
“The new girl... she reminds me of her. Maybe too much. And it hurts like hell knowing I threw away the best thing I ever had just to feel something different, but that different feels the same somehow, it bleeds parts of her, of your mum. I didn’t want another man to know her giggle. Her favourite songs. The way she sighs in her sleep. But I gave her away. And now he’s picking her up and carrying her out of the storm I created.”
Tears blur my vision. I take a final drag of my cigarette, snuffing it out beside me. I open my phone and type one final message to Dane.
You give me the kind of feelings people write novels about. The ones my grandma used to write. How do I separate you from him? Can you stay a little longer, until I figure it out?
His reply is instant.
Forever, Peach. I will stay with you forever.
