“Shit. Okay, babe. Fuck!” His hand runs through his hair roughly, causing strands to stick up. “I mean ok, little bird. Um, hell. I mean just sorry, okay?” His eyes flicker from mine to the side of us and back to me again.
“What? Why, little bird? First babe. Now that?” My voice is quiet, my thoughts jumbled. I am nervous and he’s sending my anxiety into hyper drive.
“What’s with the names?” I could feel my cheeks become heated, the warmth creeping over them like a fire.
I watched him as he looked back from me to Timberly and back to me again.
“Fuck, chick. You’re hard work.” His tone had a snap to it, and I should be scared but I wasn’t. Something about him had me wanting to know him and I know that I shouldn’t. Men and I will never mix again. I have way too many skeletons for any type of emotional connection. Even this is pushing the limits. I’m trying to stay hidden behind the walls I have built brick by tear-stained brick, and these two humans just keep pushing on my bricks and I worry that my cement isn’t strong enough.
A movement has my eyes locking with green pools with striking black streaks. His hand finds the side of my face and pushes a lose strand of my hair behind my ear. The touch sends my body to stone as my heart beats way too fast. Don’t, don’t, please, don’t.
Closing my eyes, I take in a breath, then flicker them open. He’s still there and his hand has moved to cup my cheek. I try hard not to turn into his touch.
“I really need you to, um, go.” My voice is weak. I watch as his eyes move over me, studying my features for a sign of who I am. For an answer to the way I am right now. I am broken, and he will wish sooner or later he never met me.
Seeking out Timberly’s eyes in this chaos that is spinning in front of me, she has a bunch of lavender held up to her face so all I see is her big eyes and an amused expression, like she knows something I don’t. Like she sees something I don’t. His big hands move over my face and his fingers trace up the underside of my jaw, dangerously close to my scar. I try to pull back from his touch but his hand that is on my hip dug deeper in, holding me in place. I had all but forgotten it was there. Slowly his fingers uncovered the scar slightly pushing back my long bangs. Panic grips me, my mouth opens as his eyes widen. I see anger, shock and pain all wash over them as my heart sinks.
“You’re all the same. You all like to play. It’s always the same game that ends with the same pain.” My voice is cold, harsh, like a whip cracking through the air in this now too small shop. My hands seek his, so hot the fire burns my palm. I pull it from my cheek, my other hand peels his fingers from my hip, allowing them to drop into the air around us. I turn and run out the back taking the steps two at a time till I reach the door to my apartment above the shop. Locking all the locks fast with shaking hands, Ifall into a heap on the cold, polished, wooden floors. The chill is a welcome feeling to my hot cheeks. Laying there, I pull myself into a ball and cry, breathe, hiccup, cry, breathe, hiccup.
I hear heavy steps taking the stairs like three at a time. Who is this guy? What the hell does he want?
“Little bird, hey, little bird, wanna open up?” he questions like that is even going to happen.
“NO,” I hiccup out.
I hear Timberly’s sweet voice on the other side as she makes it up the steps. This is a mess. Who are these dam people and what do they want?
“Little bird,” he pushes out again with what sounds like pain in his voice.
Shaking my head while gulping down air, I am barely hanging on in this space in time with all these dam thoughts, feelings and emotions. They need to leave.
“Stay away from me!” I bite out, slamming my palms onto the wooden floor.
“Really! I’m not joking. Just GO!”
I can hear him breathing on the other side. It’s ragged, pained and I struggle to understand why. He doesn’t even know me.
“I’m not someone you want to know,” I blurt out, hands clasped over my mouth. “I’m not the girl that wears a halo.” Again, another omission that I shouldn’t have come forth with. Why am I telling them this? It is not like I owe them any explanations.
“Yeah, and I’m the man you think I am. I am not going to lie; I am an asshole with more control issues than a shrink knows what to do with. I’m not a nice guy, I’m dark, but I won’t hurt you.” I heard his voice crack on the last statement like he does not believe his own words.
“I just want to know if you’re safe, little bird.” My tight shoulders dropped as I pulled myself up from the floor. Leaning my cheek on the cold door, mere inches separate us from each other, yet I could feel him. Feel his dark and angry soul and that is not something I wanted to touch or feel. I am strong. I have built myself back up from being black and blue into this woman. I cannot let him derail the course I have myself set on.
Narrowing my eyes, I take a deep breath. He cannot see me so why am I so nervous?
“Go away. Please, just GO!” Harsh and blunt I needed to be.
“81, just leave. I got this.” Timberly’s voice falls around us, me locked inside my safe haven and them out on the steps. I feel their energy start to float under the door and fill my place with more tension than I can handle.
“Please, 81. I will let you know what happens.” Her voice is tight, this guy just doesn’t take the hint, does he.
“Promise, little lady?” I can hear a numb defeat in his tone, and I start to break because I am the cause of it. What is it with this guy invoking feelings inside me, around me, within me, that I just cannot seem to deal with?
Also, what is with the names?
“Little bird?” I hear his voice, so I close my eyes. I cannot do this.
Taking in deep, cleansing breaths, in through my nose out through my mouth, tears stain my cheeks, drying as the seconds tick by.
