Chapter One
81
Darkness that was my world now, literally I surrounded myself in a dark so black that even the devil feared me.
I am so numb in this world, alone with a demon I call home and my thoughts.
It’s just me, the demon and my brothers, the club. I bleed for them, for my cut. I would kill for both. Honor and loyalty. When I fell off the wagon, they picked me up. Pulled me hard through the shit, begging me to keep my head up when the dark, black waters were drowning me.
Life is about making mistakes and I have made more than my fair share. Not once did they turn on me.
Not once did they leave me.
They stayed.
They fought with me as the last parts of her poison left my body. They watched her break me and they saw me at my worst. It’s the same way now. I won’t leave my brother. I won’t fail when he needs me the most. I know how hard her grip is. That taste for a numbness she brings is so hypnotic that you’re blinded. I look in his eyes as he sits here staring at the wall and I see her dancing, taunting, haunting him. He sees her in my eyes also.
“I got you.” My voice low as a tear leaves his eye, sliding down his cheek to his bare chest as his body sweats and shakes. One lone tear telling the story of a brother in the final stages of detox. A human broken by the sweet sinful taste of an angel dressed in white. His nose bleeding from her love that’s fake.
I fucking feel him breaking, I do. His soul is shattered and the only one holding him together is that beautiful women sitting in the window box, the sun hitting her face lighting her up like the fucking insane miracle that she is. She’s his angel now.
“I didn’t mean to, I love you.” Her tears streamed down her white cheeks, eyes sunken in with black rings like designer bags hanging under her eyes. Her shaking hands reached for me, grabbing my cut.
“Again, Hannah, again. You fucked him again.” My voice boomed in the small room. “Look at your fucking face.” I move my hands to her face, squeezed her cheeks and twisted her face to the side.
“You leave me to come fuck him, get high with him for days on fucking end. On fuck knows what dodgy drugs he’s slamming into your veins and up your nose. Then he beats you up in a drug induced rage and you fucking come back crawling expecting me to fix it. Expecting my brothers and the club to fix it, and me to take you back.”I dropped my hands from her face, letting her fall to the floor where she fucking belonged.
“Baby, it’s you. It’s always been you. I love you.” She gripped at my jeans, as she tried to pull her strung-out ass body up my legs.
“Fuck off, Hannah.” My voice was sharp, cutting through her fake as fuck crying.
“81.” The pain in her voice did nothing for me. I’d heard it all before.
“Henry, please, baby.” Wow, she pulled out my name like that’s going to do anything, but piss me off more, reminding me that she knows so much about me and my life. My normal life, not just my biker life.
“You love heroin and his dick as much as his fists, and that there is the love you feel, Hannah. You fucking don’t love me. Not like I love you.” I seethed out through gritted teeth; my fists clenched.
“I’m fucking done with you and your whoring ass, Hannah.” My voice cold as I grabbed a fist full of her hair and pulled her up onto her feet into me, her eyes empty mine full of everything we could have been. “I have fucking never loved anyone as much as I fucking loved you. I would have given you the fucking world.”
I pulled her close, my breath mere inches from her lips, she mewled in my grip.
“You did this. You fucked this up and now I’m done. Pack your shit from my house and get the fuck out, and of the club also.”
My free hand snaked around her throat crushing her windpipe in the way she loves. She’s a dirty lover and my cock does lovehow far to the edge I could take her. I pull her lips into mine and biting down hard I seethed out, “We fucking could have been beautiful in this fucked up world. We actually could have made it.” I dropped her hard and fast. I then walked from my room at the club, her sobs and screams doing nothing for me.
“81, don’t! I can’t, I can’t live without you. I love you, but I can’t not have him either. He’s, well he’s good for me. 81, I love you both. Henry Arthur, I love you and him. I need you both. Please, Henry, don’t do this. Don’t make me choose.” I shuddered at this statement. “I didn’t give you an option to choose, Hannah.” I closed my eyes as her body looks pathetic in front of me.
“I can’t do this fucking shit anymore. You fuck with my fucking head. I love you Hannah, but you’re no good for me. I see it now, just like I love heroin and speed, the taste of bitter drugs on the tip of my tongue. The same way you love heroin, the taste, the feeling she gives. The same way his fists give you the deadly fix of pain. And you know what, babe? That shit ain’t good for either one of us.”
I heard the pain in her voice as she screamed out my name, so I flipped her the bird and walked away from her.
“You fucking cunt!” Jenna’s voice seethed out at me as I slammed the door behind me. Her fist flew at me. I caught it with my hand to hold her ass in place as she slapped my face with the other hand. My head slightly inched to the side as a soft sting warmed my cheek. I snapped my eyes to her face. My eyes burned with rage.
I pulled the other wrist into my grip and lifted her off the floor, so her eyes met mine.
Anger is laced in her pathetic depths, but it’s no match for my rage.
“Did you hear me you fuc—” My eyes burned into hers as I look deep into them.
