I knew there was something wrong the moment that I kicked her apartment door open.
I had been knocking and screaming for longer than anyone should have. I knew she would get sick of it and open within moments but when she hadn’t my heart sunk, and my palms began to sweat. I wasn’t ready for the smell and the mess to whack me in the face though. What has she become in the few short months since I left. Have I broken her that badly that she’s lost all sense of space and time?
My hands began to shake as my body struggled to move on weak legs. Fear rippled down my back thinking that I was too late. The bathroom door was cracked open and I could just make out the bottom of her black ballet flats. My throat went dry as my mind screamed for my body to move. I couldn’t. I was frozen right there on the spot hand on the door and unable to do anything but look at the woman my life has broken. The one thing I wanted to protect her from, touched her in such a cruel way and my own foolish insecurities helped to send her into the oblivion of dark drugs and alcohol abuse.
My once feisty lady is now ODing on a bathroom floor.
Falling beside her shaking as all the thoughts swirl inside my head. The demon claws at my senses to be released, to kiss her back to life because we couldn’t imagine a life without her in it. I love her and we have done nothing but fucking hurt each other and fight what is here now staring me here in the face. What I caused and I am now helpless looking at her too scared to touch her. My mind screams as I look around the room. “Hold on, baby. Please, hold on,” I whisper out, my voice hoarse, weak. It’s not strong. It’s gone like she is fading. I know I have to save her but all I wanna do is hear her say hey James Dean. Biting my lip, I place my hands on her tiny body, turn her over and pull her into me. I need to hear her breath, to feel her heartbeat. Pulling my phone from the back pocket of my jeans I dial 111 and place it on speaker as I scoop her closer into me screaming for them to answer. Wiping the hair from her cold and pale face then taking her hand, I place it inside my shirt. “You feel that, baby? That’s my heart breaking for you. I can’t lose you. I’m not that strong.”
Looking around the room I see the vial with shaking hands I pick it up and inject its contents into my baby right in the vein of her neck.
“Hello 111 what is your emergency. Police, Fire, ambulance.”
“Ambulance my girlfriend has overdosed,” I scream out as I rub the vein I have just injected.
“Hold on, baby, help is coming.” Kissing her cold purple lips as shock and a deathly chill ripple through me.
“Is she breathing, sir?”
“Barely. Please hurry up. I have injected her with that shit to counter it.” I call out as I began to rock with her in my arms.
“Baby, wake up. Baby, please.”
“Sir, help is on its way. Stay calm. What is the address?” She asks me and I have to think, like really think.
“Shit it’s the Sky Tower apartments located across from the Long White Cloud. I’m Jayden James. She is Tru Monroe, room 402, penthouse apartment.” Shaking my head as I try so hard to think and make sure that is correct. Fuck, I don’t know. Where the fuck is Mike when I need him.
“Sir, can you locate a pulse.”
“She’s barely breathing so she obviously has a damn pulse.” I scream out shaking my head.
“Sir I know this is hard. I am sorry but I just need to run through some questions with you.”
She says it so calmly, like my baby isn’t dying in my arms on a bathroom floor.
“Baby, wake up.” I slap her face lightly trying to rouse her.
“Baby, please. I need to know what you took.” I call out.
“HELP can’t you get them here now.” I scream at the phone
“What’s taking so long?” I yell as my eyes scan the area for anything that would show me what is inside my baby’s blood stream.
Nothing, I find nothing.
“Sir, stay calm for your girlfriend. I assure you help is on its way.”
She says this to me and before I can answer she asks me to find anything that would let them know what Tru took.
“I have looked. I couldn’t find anything.” I holler back at her and all I can do is hold Tru and plead silently in her ear for her to stay with me, please, baby, stay with me.
I hear her ramble on as I take Tru’s hand and whisper that I swear to love her for the rest of my life, she needs to open her eyes. I hear sirens.
Before long the small room is full of people. The voices and sounds. The crowededspace and the air is hot while I hold her weak hand and rock back and forth as they rip open her t-shirt and place pads on her chest. They connect them to a machine then they place an oxygen mask over her face and ask me to stand back. “Sir, please move back.” They say it over and over I watch their mouths move as my body falls onto her. Shaking my head, I scream out, “NO! No, I won’t.” I hold onto her, my face in the side of her neck and they fight me. They are pulling at me yelling at me, “We need you to move to save her. Please, sir, you have to move back.” My eyes find that of a lady, her hand on my shoulder, her eyes kind. “Please, I know you don’t want to but to save her right now we need you to move so we can work on her.” She takes my hand and pulls me up to my feet then wrapping her arm around me. As we move out into the hallway I watch as this nightmare unfolds around me. “What’s her name?” Another person, a guy this time, asks. My eyes find his as he straps her to the bed. “Tru. Her name is Tru Monroe and she’s my world,” I say to him. His smile is weak as he nods at me. He lowers his body over Tru’s, his hand opening her eye lid shining a torch inside flicking it from side to side. “Tru, can you hear me?” he asks her. “Tru, what have you taken?” Again, flicking the torch inside the right eye this time. “Tru, my name is Gavin and I’m going to help you but I need you to come back to us so I can do that, ok?” He says to her as he searches for a pulse in the side of her neck. He nods at the other guy as he pulls up the stretcher that has my baby’s body strapped to it. Taking her tiny frame from the floor onto the stretcher, wheeling her out through the mess and down into the cold night, I sit with her. My head in my hands as we drive to the hospital. I don’t wanna let you go. I know I’m not strong enough to live if she’s gone. I can hear her calling out to me baby come on let’s go home baby come on stay with me don’t go. I wish I had listened and stayed. If I had this wouldn’t be my reality right now. Here in an ambulance and a body filled with fuck knows what. “I gave her that vial. I found it on the floor with her when I walked in.” I stammer out as the lady from before eyes meet mine “That’s good. You may have got it into her just in time.” She squeezes my hand, yet I feel like she is lying because I have had this injection so many times and each time, I have come around almost instantly.
The drive across town feels endless and so quiet. The silence is eerie yet loud inside my head as she lays so still, so quiet. As my legs tap up and down the nightmare unfolds as I watch them shock her back to us again and again. I have counted sixteen times now that they have placed the paddles on her and jolted her body off the bed. I am barely holding on.
God, if you’re watching fucking save her from this fucked up mess that I created.
