“Why do you say that, babe?” I ask needing to know what has turned his eyes to hurricane grey and his body rigid.
“I was a mess, babe. My life dark. I’ve done some fucked up shit, taken shit that should have killed me. But___.” Again, he stopped mid-sentence. I can’t see my reflection in his irises anymore, it’s just storm clouds and lightening. “I wasn’t always this fucked up, aye. I wasn’t this guy. I wasn’t born for this, it thrust itself at me the night I watched my brother bleed out in my arms.” My heart plummets in my chest as aprickly sweat beads down my spine. “I spiraled and I all but killed my parents in the process. They deserve more than this me.” His voice breaks as tears well in his eyes. Pulling my quivering bottom lip into my teeth as he needs me to be strong for him, not a crying mess, even though my heart’s breaking for his past he needs this.
I lean up and kiss his chin running my fingers up the side of his cheek to his temple back down again trying to comfort him in some small way.
“We all have a story and we all have a chance to rewrite parts.” Taking his mouth in mine, I give him all I can with one kiss letting him know that I will do all I can to shelter and ease the dark and heartache.
“I will try to love you the best I can, babe, but some days are going to be hard because I’ve never loved myself.”
I run my finger over his cheek down his jaw line.
“Fire all you have at me, babe. I promise here and now that I will always come back. Just let me process the hard stuff. I’ll be patient with you if you’ll be patient with me. You can’t abuse it though, because of who you are and what you’ve been through.”
“I’m afraid, Tru. I’m afraid that when you see all that is Jayden James you will run.”
Pulling his face into my hands I take his mouth in a fleeting kiss.
“I had seen you before you even knew who I was. I have watched you so falling for you has been easy, even though I fought it. I will stay with you and be with you when shit gets bad. You will never be alone as long as you stay true to me. If you remember us this way and promise to not lie, then I will always hold you.”
His fingers link in my hair, his free hand snakes around my body holding me close to him.
“I will always hold onto you. I promise that I will never intentionally lie to you, babe.” Raising my eyebrow at him, I lower my chin onto my folded hands over his chest, while his heart beats rapidly under them.
“For you, Tru, I will try, but you have to try and be the first person in my life to not leave me. I can’t handle being lonely. This is why I am always so fucked up, baby.”
My heart sinks further into my belly as tears well behind my eyes.
“Sober. We have to do this sober.” Locking eyes with him fear hits his pupils and they dilate infront of me with the shock of my words.
“Merry Christmas, babe. Come the new year you will be a new you,” I say kissing his lips with a soft lingering kiss.
His body tenses under me.
“Sober?” He asks
“From coke at least. I can handle Jack, but coke is a no go for me. I hate the person you are with that shit up your nose,” I say to him, honest and harsh as it’s true. Being a reformed addict, I can’t live with drugs.
The air changes between us as he thinks. I see it swimming in his eyes the thought of fuck me how do I stop the one thing that gets me numb and keeps me above the pain.
“I will be your new drug, Jayden. I will hold the dark away and keep the pain from entering your chest, but to succeed you have to feel first. I will take your demons and make them mine as long as you try to pull yourself out. I will do my best to take as much pain as I can, but you have to bear some also.”
“For you, babe, anything. I will try it as it will be you and I.”
His promise laced words fall heavy between us, filled with hope.
His fingers curl around mine, pulling my hand to his lips. Honey over fire. His eyes find mine with a look so tender that it brings an ache to my chest. Without a word he found my lips and whispered.
“You make me believe in the magic of Christmas again.”
#bestchristmasever
Chapter Thirteen
Tru
The New Year – A New Year with James Dean
Christmas came and went. The media storm that followed Jayden’s little Instagram post was insane. I have never been followed and photographed so much that I couldn’t even walk to work. I was now getting driven everywhere by Gage, Jayden’s second and biggest bodyguard. I thought Mike was big and scary, this guy was something else. He had done two tours of Afghanistan and I could see the terror from those tours dancing in his eyes.
