Blue Jeans by Lana Del Ray
Enough by Alex Roe
Little White Church by Little Big Town
Empty Space by James Arthur
Make Me Cry by Noah Cyrus Feat. Labrinth
Burning Houses by Cam
Fragile by Kygo & Labrinth
Little Things by One Direction
Careless Whisper by George Michael
CHAPTER ONE
Gracie-May
There were times I felt like the world was slowly disappearing in front of me. Maybe it was only me who was fading away. I peered at myself in the full-length mirror while I changed into my uniform ready to go back on duty. It was a double shift today starting at 1500 hours and working through until 0700 hours. My mind traveled back over the events as I reflected on the night I'd spent with Kaden.
I’d been content while wrapped in his arms, watching the sun kiss good morning to the moon. The sunrise ended my time with him and reality crashed over me. It was time for me to go back to my life. Kaden was my beautiful secret.
Was it foolish of me to think, that in a place filled with idle gossip about me, I could keep him locked away? To have him as my own?
Everyone would surely know how close we were becoming, staying with him was a definite risk.
I know I shouldn’t have become involved, but I was over denying myself a shot at happiness and he makes me happy. His smile alone generates so much passion within me that I had to remember to breathe.
I welcomed moments of total peace, with his breath hot on my neck, his arms wrapped around my body, his fingertips burning memories into my skin. He brands me with every touch, touch which is shadowed by the depth of the dark and insane which haunts me. Beautiful moments which take away the pain of everyday living.
But, in these moments, all I could feel were my empty lungs burning, my heart thumping against my ribs so hard I was sure those same ribs would shatter. My skin would be ripped apart, the memory of his fingers – gone. Leaving me more broken than I already was. Trapped in a void and alone.
The black hole in my head, deep inside my soul, was slowly swallowing all my hopes and dreams. It was the worst of moments. The realization of the vacuum, the nothingness, the absurdity of my existence.
They gripped the inside of my mind and made me feel like I was constantly walking on glass. They made me wonder why I bothered to live.
Thenhecame into my life. Kaden was flown to the hospital where I worked in ICU. He could have been medevac’d to any base, but it was mine he arrived at. He’s given me hope - hope that someone could actually love me. Dreams of being happy have been made a reality with his every touch.
Ben was passed out on the hallway floor, so I’d been forced to step over him on my way in earlier. Anxiety gripped me. Guilt chewed at me.
I’d become an expert at lying, something new even for me. I had become an expert at showing the fake me, the happy me. People thought my passion alone was my backbone when, it was fear of failure which strengthened me. Being scared and lonely Gracie-May was killing me, but now I had Kaden.
I needed to be all I knew I could be for the man who had witnessed unspeakable horrors. A man so broken and haunted by a past, he chose war to flee to.
I had tried to help Ben when he was in the same situation, but where Kaden has chosen me, Ben chose drink. He’s a drunk, abusive and a goddamn mess. As much as I wanted to leave him,neededto leave him before he ended up killing me - I couldn't. I just didn’t know how to, but the overwhelming emotions and sky-high anxiety was crippling me.
I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and braided it down my back. My eyes were dull, the sparkle long gone. Replaced by a hazy blue shadow. Dark circles beneath made it appear like I had two black eyes. Even more fodder for the hospital gossip mill. Difference this time was, it’s not Ben’s fists which had caused me to look like I'd gone twelve rounds with Tyson. I dabbed concealer over the rings and applied BB cream over the rest of my face before pinching my cheeks - the way my grandmother had added colour. It helped me to feel slightly better.
After making the bed and opening the windows, I drew the heavy curtains enough to allow the natural light to pierce through the flimsy lacy curtain. The light splintered through the lace and danced over the crisp whiteness of the duvet.
Once I was satisfied everything was in order, I picked up the laundry hamper and headed through to the laundry. As I sorted a load to put on, my mind strayed to Kaden.
Butterflies danced in my belly. The mere mention of his name inside the walls of my mind sent shivers dancing down my spine. I wondered once more, how was it possible to be in love with someone you barely knew? To love someone whose demons rivaled your own, someone who was broken inside even worse than I was. Why was it that the two shattered hearts could meet and share a healing, sensuous dance together?
I wanted to love this seemingly unique man and that scared the hell out of me. Could he love me, knowing my life was not at all what I portrayed it to be?
