CHAPTER SIXTEEN
GRACIE-MAY
I wasn’t on the ground anymore, was Ben gone? I was in someone’s arms. I knew that smell –Kaden’ssmell. It was safe, comforting unlike Ben who smelled of hate and violence, beer and cigarettes. They were Kaden’s arms, he’d found me.
I didn’t have the strength to wrap my arms around him, to cling to him. Everything in me seemed heavy and my eyes felt like they were glued shut, refusing to obey my command to open them. My arms fell limply at my sides.
Kaden was talking to me, he sounded angry. Why was he angry with me? I couldn’t quite make out his words over the buzzing in my ears.
I could hear other voices, were they speaking to me? I was so confused. Someone’s hand took hold of mine and squeezed it tightly. I wanted to squeeze back but couldn’t do it. I wanted to tell them I thought I was okay, but I wasn’t sure if I was.
Why couldn’t I see? Why wouldn’t my eyes open?I attempted to open my mouth, but instead of words being spoken, I felt like I was choking on something.
My head dropped to the side, against someone’s chest? Was it blood I felt dripping from my lips? That wasn’t a good sign. I felt so much but couldn’t see or move. Why was I covered in so much stickiness? Was it blood everywhere? So many questions. No answers. Panic surged through me; cool air whipped over my body. My chest felt like a heavy weight was pressing down on it, I couldn’t breathe.
I wanted to scream out in pain, tell them I was hurting and needed help. I couldn’t do or say a fucking thing. I desperately needed help.
***
I was surrounded by a lot of whiteness; people were shouting. There was a lot of shouting and I felt the panic rippling off Kaden as he held me in his arms. Then he was gone. The warmth, comfort, safeness I’d felt, no longer surrounded me.
I was lying on a bed; something was being put over my face – a mask. A soft, sweet-sounding voice was trying to reassure me I thought, but I couldn’t quite make out what was being said and didn’t care. All I knew was I felt lost, pain ripped through me, buzzing was loud in my ears and my head thumped in agony. It was all too much, so I gave in to the pull of darkness and let go.
***
I fought my way out of the darkness, it had been quiet for so long, I hadn’t felt much of anything.
Someone was telling me to wake up, to move. My body was aching and I wanted to cry out, tell them to leave me alone, let me go so I no longer felt pain.
But they refused and I realized the voices I heard were my people, the ones I loved.
“Brad, please tell him he can’t keep missing physio, that’s two weeks of missed appointments after he missed again today.” Martha’s voice is harsh and annoyed.
“Doll, what do you want me to do he won’t listen to anyone?” I recognized the voice of Kaden’s best friend.
Martha sighed loudly. “Kaden, you’ve been here almost non-stop for two weeks. You need exercise and fresh air, you’re worrying the nurses and Chris is pissed about you showering here and lying in the bed with Gracie.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. I’m not leaving her. I want her to see me when she wakes up, to know I’m here for her.” There was so much pain in Kaden’s voice.
“Kaden,” Martha snapped.
“What?” He bit back.
“Seriously, you need a break. I’m worried about you.”
“I’ll take a break when I know Gracie is okay and stop fucking worrying.”
“Fuck, Kaden, how am I supposed to tell Gracie you’ve refused to shave, eat properly or exercise?”
Good for you, Martha.
“I don’t think you need to worry about that yet, do you, Martha? She’s not exactly waking up and talking.”
“Fuck you, Kaden, don’t you dare get like that with me. Gracie will wake up and she will be fine.”
Oh my god, listen to them. They sound like they have known each other for years the way they are fighting over me.
“Look you two, this isn’t the time or place, Gracie needs rest and quiet. She needs to heal and Kaden, Bro, you need to fucking eat and get back to physio.” Brad takes charge of both of them. The pressure around me shifted. What the hell? It felt like something heavy was being lifted from my body, the buzz of machinery wrapped around me.
