“Other way around, Matt,” Tyler corrected.
Neil finished another beer and joined in. “I have to agree, Gem. Who cares? Does it really matter that Gulliver founded America?”
Matthew’s face twisted in confusion. “Gulliver?”
“Yeah, Gulliver. While he was on his…travels, he found America…didn’t he?”
Jordan’s mouth dropped in shock. “You are literally the stupidest human being on the planet!”
“And that on its own would be forgivable,” Gemma added. “But you’re also a whore!”
Jordan continued from there. “Which means, with the amount of people you come into contact with, you could one day accidentally infect someone else with your stupidity.”
Gemma took over. “It runs so rampant in you that if it’s not treated soon, it will become contagious…like an STD.”
“So harsh,” Tyler snickered.
“You are a disgrace to all Americans!” Jordan finished off. “You should be charged for breathing in the precious air that could’ve been used for the benefit of someone smarter. No, actually, you should be dragged outside and stoned to death in the street.”
Matthew chuckled. “You gotta love the honesty.”
“Am I wrong?” Neil asked.
“A little bit.” Tyler was desperately trying to hold back his laughter as he measured about two centimeters between his thumb and forefinger. “Just a tiny bit wrong.”
“But that just further proves my point,” Gemma slurred. “It doesn’t matter who found America. The fact is we’re all still here. Whether you know that bit of history doesn’t change that fact, doesn’t change our lives, so what does it matter? I’m not saying history itself is not important. I’m saying it doesn’t make a difference to know it.”
“You need history so that mistakes are not repeated.” Matt was speaking slower now, visibly thinking about the words before he said them. “For instance: Neil, you’re an only child, right?”
“Right.”
“See?” He turned back to Gemma. “After that, his parents decided to stop reproducing. History made them learn from their mistakes.”
“Low blow, Matt.”
Matt ignored Neil and carried on. “But if it bothers you that much, we could get a petition started, another relo…relolu…” It was a tricky word for him at the moment and he took some time to practice it in his head before he tried again, breaking it into syllables this time. “…rev-o-lu-tionary movement to ban it from all schools.”
“You are so inspiring,” Gemma said, looking at him adoringly. “But this conversation is too intelligent for my liking.” She nudged Matthew until he shifted out of the booth. “I’m gonna go pee and when I get back, you and I are hitting the dance floor.”
A tall, muscled cowboy came up behind her and smiled as his eyes skimmed her up and down. “Hi there, sweetheart.”
She groaned and turned to face the stranger. “Shoo, fly,” she said, waving him away with her hand. “Don’t bother me.”
He walked away after her curt dismissal and Neil slammed his palm on the table. “What is wrong with you? He’s gorgeous and you turned him down flat.”
She rolled her eyes. “Neil, there is only one thing I hate more than pet names and that’s generic pet names.”
“Agreed,” Jordan said, throwing her hand up like she was voting at a meeting. “My sentiments exactly.”
“Names like sweetheart and baby make me cringe,” Gemma explained. “And most guys only call you that so that they don’t have to remember your actual name.”
“I think pet names are sweet,” he countered.
“That’s where you and I differ, Neilums. You see, if I am taking the time out of my very busy schedule to ride a man’s cock…that bitch better know my name!”
Beer spurted out of Matthew’s mouth and he coughed several times after choking on the liquid he’d accidentally inhaled. Tyler was hunched over the table laughing and the ceaseless giggles were making Jordan’s stomach cramp.
Jordan had developed an immunity to Gemma’s radical comments over the years and was rarely shocked by anything that came out of her mouth. Matthew, however, had clearly not reached that point in the few hours they’d been sitting there.
