“I just keep seeing her face,” I say finally. “The way she looked when I asked. She didn’t even try to deny it. Just stood there, telling me she thought I was off on another mission,that she didn’t think I wanted the responsibility of a kid and wasn’t sure about her being around an outlaw MC. I thought she knew me and trusted me, but now I’m questioning everything I thought I knew about her and our relationship.”
Rock pushes himself to his feet. I can hear his joints cracking, but his expression gives no indication that he’s in pain. “You’ve got every right to be angry, son. But you’re gonna have to figure out what you want to do. My suggestion is to ask for a paternity test.”
“What the fuck, old man? I don’t need a paternity test to tell me what I already know. Katie is clearly my daughter. I can tell that much by looking at her.”
He claps a hand on my shoulder, it’s heavy and grounding. “Me and your ma figured that out the minute she walked through the door. You need a paternity test for all the legal shit you’re gonna have to sort out. No insult intended, but did you ever consider a woman who lied to you about important shit might lie about whether or not you can see your own kid. First step, prove she’s yours.”
When they all come to their feet, Jasper adds, “When you’re ready, talk to her. Don’t let her walk off with your kid. And more importantly, don’t let this fester, brother. That little girl deserves a fuckin’ father and for better or worse, you’re it.”
Chapter 12
Christina
Katie woke from her nap, we made and ate dinner, watched TV, had a bath, and she eventually went to sleep for the night.
I can’t help thinking that I’ve made a clusterfuck of this new chance at a better life. I thought saying nothing was playing it safe. Now I can see how wrong I was about that. Slate never came back and no one checked on us or spoke to us this evening. I worry that his family is as mad at me as Slate is. Who could blame them if they were.
I can’t help but replay everything Slate said. He’s right that my failure to find him and let him know about having a daughter caused him to miss out on every single milestone in her life so far. I get why he’s pissed. The thing is, his parents missed out on seeing their first grandchild born, holding her as a baby, seeing her grow up during the last few years. They have just as much right as Slate to be mad. It’s a shame because I really adore Slate and his family.
I sit on the edge of the big bed that Slate and I shared only last night. Wrapping my arms around myself, I think about all the mistakes I’ve made. That’s when I hear boots on the steps. I recognize how he walks and that’s how I know that he didn’t totally abandon us. He’s coming back. What he’ll say after thinking the situation over, I can only guess.
I hear the door to our suite open, and he pauses in the main area. I hear the soft click as he locks it behind him. I sit, staringat the bedroom door, waiting to see if he’ll walk through it. I needn’t have worried because he appears a moment later. He’s wearing the poker face he normally reserves for everyone but me. Seeing his clear blue eyes boring into me like that fractures something deep in my soul.
He shuts the door quietly behind him and stands there for a moment, with his arms loose at his sides. He doesn’t come closer or try to sit down. He keeps his distance like he finds being near me suddenly repulsive.
“Did you talk to your family about me?” I ask quietly.
“Yeah, of fuckin’ course I did. We don’t keep secrets from one another in this family.” His voice is low and rough. “They all know Katie is my daughter now.”
He jerks his chin at me. “Is she asleep for the night?”
“Yes. We made dinner here rather than going downstairs. To be honest, I didn’t want to face anyone.”
He runs one hand through his hair and then rubs the stubble on his jaw. The gesture lets me know he’s exasperated with me. He walks to the dresser, empties his pockets, and stands there for a few seconds looking at his reflection in the mirror.
“I can’t believe I had a daughter this whole time and never knew.” His voice sounds more defeated than angry.
“I was scared,” I admit in a tight voice. “I didn’t know how deep all of this went or who was involved. I didn’t want you to get pulled into this mess.”
He snorts under his breath, frustration surfacing. “You should have trusted me to fuckin’ handle whatever was a threat to my child, even if you didn’t think I would come for you.”
“I know,” I whisper. “Don’t you think if I could go back and do things differently, I would?”
“You keep saying things like that, but you’ve not given me a single reason to believe anything you have to say,” he says.
“I know you eat danger for breakfast with milk and sugar. But I’m not you. Terrified people don’t always make the best decisions.”
His tone turns clipped. “You say you were scared. Fine, I can get my head around that. Having lived with it in darker places than this clubhouse, I’ve known my share of fear. But you let me walk into danger blind. You let me believe someone else was Katie’s father. Fear doesn’t justify or excuse keeping everything to yourself until someone else drags the truth into the light.”
I swallow thickly, feeling the kind of shame that no one should have to deal with. “I understand that now.”
“You understood it then too,” he shoots back. He runs both hands over his face. “How could you think that making decisions for both of us was doing the right thing.”
I drop my gaze to the floor, feeling sick to my stomach. “I shouldn’t have.”
“But you did. And you did it over and over again. First when you realized you were pregnant with my child and decided not to notify me. Then when you decided to go it on your own with a damn stalker after you. And then you come here and make the decision to leave me believing you were being stalked by an ex.And you looked me in the face, convinced me to give us another chance, and hooked up with me, all while deciding I still didn’t need to know I had a kid.”
Every word he says stings, because he’s not wrong about any of it. Once he quiets, his chest rises and falls as he tries to get ahold of his emotions.
