Her voice breaks. “I just wanted to keep our child safe. To give her a fighting chance at a normal life.”
My jaw locks, and I grit out, “A normal life? That means you saw me as abnormal, right?”
“No. That’s not what I meant.”
“It’s what you just said. It sounds like bikers are good enough to fuck but not good enough to be fathers in your world. Not good enough to seek us out for protection unless it suits you.”
“It’s not like that. Now that I’ve been here and experienced it myself, I know better.”
“Gee, thanks for acknowledging I’m not a fuckin’ monster.”
Instead of arguing her point, she presses her lips together.
“I gave you my seat on that transport,” I say. “You know what I went through getting out after that. The shit I did to survive. And the whole time, I thought maybe I’d get a chance to see you again. I wanted something real with you. Now I find out you were carrying my kid, and you didn’t think I deserved to know?”
Her breath catches. “I wanted to tell you. Every day. But you had this life, this brotherhood, and I didn’t know if we’d fit into your life.”
“You should’ve told me and trusted me,” I say. “That’s all you had to do.”
Her tears are coming faster now. My instinct is to hold her and tell her everything’s gonna be okay. But I’m worlds away from forgiving her, so I keep my hands to myself.
“I trusted you,” she says. “I always have.”
“Bullshit.” I rake my hand through my hair again, exasperated. “You came here for protection and that was only because Rivera saw you and sent for me. If we hadn’t turned up that night…” my voice trails off. I don’t even want to think what might have happened to her and my kid. “You let me think I was just some man you used to know not the father of your daughter. You let me fall in love with you all over again and make love to you without telling me the truth.”
She wipes her face with her sleeve. “What do you want me to say?”
I take a long, hard look at the woman who raised my daughter without me.
“Nothing,” I say. “I just want you to understand all the things you took from me by not telling me. I missed out on everything, all because of you.”
When I turn towards the door, she asks, “Where are you going?”
“I need to get some fucking air. I can’t look at you right now.”
***
My boots thud against the floor as I stomp downstairs. I’m getting more furious with each step. When I hit the main room, I look around at all my club brothers and the girls. They’re all totally oblivious to my pain.
“Get out!” I say with barely leashed fury. When no one moves, I add, “Now!”
That gets them moving. Chairs scrape against the floor, and the room clears out almost instantaneously. They know better than to test me when I give an order. The last brother out shuts the door without looking back.
Then it’s just me standing there with a lifetime’s worth of self-control about to snap.
I look around the room. We built this place as a safe haven for our families as well as to house the club. A lot of good that did me. My old lady and daughter have been running from danger for a long time and refused to come to the virtual fortress we built for their protection.
I lean over and put both hands on the back of a chair and lower my head. Before I can stop myself, I’m squeezing so hardmy knuckles are turning white. I jerk the chair sideways and hurl it against the front of the bar.
It feels so good to let my anger out, so I fall into old habits by grabbing another and tossing it too. The sound of wood splintering cuts through the air, an old familiar sound that used to soothe me in my youth. The next few minutes are a blur of rage and muscle. I grab the nearest chair, throw it, watch it explode against the wall. Another. Then another. Once I get started, I can’t stop myself.
My fists ache and my arms burn, but it doesn’t touch the fury burning in my chest. I think of her face when I touch her. I think of Katie’s little hand clutching the toy I gave her. I think of every goddamn mile I’ve ridden alone, believing I didn’t have a family of my own.
I roar with frustration when I think about how many club girls I’ve fucked, not knowing I had a family. I surely wouldn’t have wasted my time messin’ around with club girls if I had known about Katie, I would have been working on being a father and salvaging my relationship with her mom. Christina robbed me of my right to make good decisions for myself. That thought just enrages me more.
During my rage, something moves behind me. I glance over my shoulder and see my ma in the doorway. Before she takes a step, Rock’s arm comes out to block her path.
“Let him get it all out of his system,” he says.
