“Why would it scare me?”
“We’re strangers, Alex.”
“We’re not strangers,” he says fiercely. “One day with you is worth a thousand with any other woman … not that I can even think of myself with anybody else. You’re it for me, Bella. Just you. Only you. For?—”
Forever, he’s going to say. But it would be too much.
My heart wants this so badly. Too badly, maybe. Clouding my thoughts.
I kiss him as an interruption, as a way to slow down.
I need time to think.
Liar, a voice inside screams as our lips move in perfect motion.
I’ve already done all the thinking I need. That game ended the second I arrived at this vineyard.
Grandma once told me,“Before you jump in with both feet, make sure the pool has enough water.”It’s always stuck with me. Don’t move too fast. Use my head, not just my heart, my sex, my achy unstoppable desire.
“Are you okay?” Alex asks me, kissing me softly even as the hard shaft of his cock brushes slick against my belly.
“I think I just want to get some sleep,” I murmur. “If that’s okay?”
He slides his fingers through my hair, warmly massaging my scalp. Kisses my forehead. Then whispers, “Of course it’s okay. I’m here for you, Bella.”
I cuddle closer to him. A warning siren should be blaring in my head, right? Some rich guy… a stranger… just took my virginity and now he’s hinting atforeverlike it’s not completely impossible.
But as I lay my cheek against his chest and listen to his powerful heartbeat, I can’t convince myself this is a bad thing. I can’t shut down the voice in my mind whispering I’m the luckiest girl alive.
What if I’m wrong?
“Hush,” he whispers, gently circling my upper back.
“I didn’t say anything,” I tell him with a sleepy smile.
“I can hear your thoughts going a million miles per hour. Whatever happens, Bella, whatever comes next, we’ll handle it. Together.”
I kiss his sweaty chest. Close my eyes tight as a vision of the future bursts brightly inside me. I see Alex standing on his balcony, summer shirt open to reveal his chest, two adorable kids tugging at his hips. Vying for his attention.
Then I walk into the scene, holding a baby to my chest. He turns. Smiles. And my whole world lights up.
Maybe the fantasyis why I do it. Why I run.
It’s too real, too tempting. And I know if I wait for Alex to wake up, I won’t be able to think about this logically.
My eyes peel open just after sunrise. The storm has cleared. The room is bathed in beautiful yellow light. I quietly climb to my feet, find my dress, pull it on. Then walk through the villa and to the dining room. Find my underwear, then go into the bathroom and get properly dressed.
After, I return to the bedroom. There’s a notepad and a pen on the desk. I sketch Alex as he sleeps on his side, a soft smile on his face. His silver hair catches the light. The mature lines in his face crease warmly. As though he’s dreaming about me.
On the pad, next to the sketch, I write,Alex, being with you has been the most special time of my life. But please, give me a day.Just a day to think about this and get some things straight in my mind.
I pause, pen perched over the page. Just writing this feels wrong. Am I overthinking this? Every instinct in me is screaming to get back into bed with him. To snuggle into his arms and just forget about this. Just carry on.
Grandma also once told me that when I was sure about something, I should devote myself. Fully. Completely. Without shame.
Talk about mixed messages …
I bite my lip, look at my man. I feel like a traitor.
