“We start again,” he said, his back to her as he rummaged through the chest of drawers. Before Adriana could argue with him, assuming he meant something else entirely, Xander quickly turned to her to explain. “I meant we start your training again. Nothing else. Unless you thought—”
“No, nothing else,” Adriana abruptly cut him off. “Training. Sounds good. The sooner I can regain my control, the sooner I can leave.”
Xander
In truth, Xander had expected their training session to go terribly. He’d imagined all the ways she’d lose control, lashing out at him with every ounce of her powers, making him suffer for what he had done. But she didn't, not at all. She held back.
He maintained a link to her mind the entire time, watching for any sign of her about to lose control. But all those years of hiding, of pushing down her darkest desires because of the shame she felt for holding them, had proven useful when faced with the man who threatened to unravel her sanity entirely.
Xander saw the obvious surprise on her face each time he offered her kindness instead of the antagonistic comments he used to make. He made sure to be patient, to show that he cared, because he knew now, after everything, that was the only way to get through to her. That was the only way to break the hold her hatred had on her.
He knew she didn't hate him, not really, but she wished she could, as did he. It would be so much easier that way, for both of them. Perhaps then she wouldn’t keep directing it to herself.
They had worked through each of the elements, and other than a lightning strike that landed a little too close to him than he was comfortable with, Xander had remained unscathed. Until they began to work on her shadows.
He had never had to learn to control the darkness; he was reborn with the gift. Adriana had inherited his power, but not his connection to it. He was a natural master of it, but Adriana… she was something else entirely.
As she conjured another shadow, wisps of dark magic pooling and spilling over her palm, it was clear to Xander that she was not its ruler. Instead, she was at one with it. The way it moved along her skin, the gentle caresses, the ebb and flow as it rippled in time with her breathing. Adriana's connection to his darkness was something else entirely.
He first noticed it in that alleyway, how strange the shadows had reacted to her taking them from him and making them her own. Whereas he could mould the darkness to obey him, Adriana forcibly took it. She made the shadows accept her, tobecome one with her, and even after she dropped her hold of her magic, they often continued to flock around her.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, with a scrutinising stare as she dropped the shadow in her hand to the ground. Just as Xander expected, it remained by her feet, curling around her ankles for a moment, before vanishing.
“Your Nocte powers are so different to mine,” he said, hoping his tone sounded curious rather than accusational. “It's just strange to see someone else control the darkness. And even stranger that it's you.”
“Well, I've had quite a lifetime to practice. Surprised I could do it without you?”
“No, that's not what I meant. I just didn't expect it, I didn't expect any of this. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to think I didn't believe in you.”
Adriana nodded in agreement, but her mind remained cloudy with doubt. Of course she didn't trust him, she'd be a fool to do so. But it killed Xander to not be able to get anywhere near her without her freezing, to not be able to make her laugh, to push her to snap at him, to hold her. Most of all, he despised the way her self-doubt stemmed from her perception of him being ashamed of her, of what she’d become.
He never wanted to turn her, that much was true. He knew that Adriana didn't want an immortal life, and he'd never wish it upon anyone. But he could never be ashamed of her, he could never not love her. She saw herself as a monster, because it was a monster that had created her. As much as Xander wanted to fix the lies running through her mind, he knew that only she could decide what she was. Only she could decidewhoshe was.
“Have you sensed a difference with your light?” he asked. “You haven't shown your Luciferus magic all day, I wondered if perhaps your Nocte abilities interfere with it.”
She averted her eyes, staring at the ground and fidgeting with a button on her shirt. “I don't use my light that much anymore. It still comes to me naturally when I'm in danger. Other than that, I can't reach for it like I used to.”
“Because of your shadows?”
“Because of you.” Xander’s mouth parted in a silent gasp at her words. “You were the one who brought out my light. The only time I can bring it forward is when I think of you, of us. And it hurts too much to do that anymore.”
He was utterly speechless. Her confession felt like a physical blow to his chest, the air punched from his lungs despite unconsciously expecting it. It wasn’t just the pain of her words, but the paradox of them. She was his light, she always had been, yet he was the one to extinguish hers.
The thought left him feeling even more hollow than the empty husk he’d been after he thought he’d lost her for good. He remembered those years of isolation where every breath felt like an effort, every moment an agonising reminder of what was gone. When she had died, he knew his heart had died with her. It had simply stopped, rendering it a useless heavy weight in his chest. And now, standing opposite her, sensing its owner had returned, his bloodied and bruised heart was desperately trying to beat again.
“Cass told me to try to find something else to anchor it to,” Adriana continued, swiftly changing the conversation as if she could hear the dull yet erratic thumping inside his chest. “When I was teaching her how to balance her visions to avoid them interfering with the present, she suggested I find a new balance for my light. Even as a kid, she was smarter than me. But, as much as I tried, nothing ever worked.”
“You stayed with the Romillys this entire time?”
“I did. They'd all gone into hiding after Divina’s death, as you already knew. They chose to live on the outskirts of society,hidden in remote villages in the countryside, before settling in the Scottish Highlands. And they kept me hidden too.”
“Hidden from me.”
Adriana didn't respond, she didn't have to. He had always suspected there to be a real meaning behind the Romillys’ disappearance. Divina's death was not sudden, she had been ill quite some time before she had passed away, but her entire family's departure had come as a shock to everyone in the Courts. Whether Divina had warned them to leave, had seen what would happen, no one knew. The only potential person who may have known would have been Striga, though Xander very much doubted it. Surely she wouldn't have allowed Xander to take over her sister’s manor had she known what he would do. That night, it was clear she knew something, but as to how much she knew, he would never find out.
“Were they good to you?” he asked Adriana, as he conjured another shadow in his hand, pulling and twisting the dark wisps to form a spiral, one that matched his Manipuli brand. He gestured for her to do the same.
“As good as they could be,” she replied, darkness slowly beginning to form around her fingertips. “I was a nuisance to them, an unwanted pet to be passed down to whichever family member volunteered to take me in. They never saw me as one of their own, which I understand. I'm not a Romilly, nor am I just an Incantrix, not anymore. But they still included me as much as they could. While I never learnt the lesser magic they taught, I got to observe their lessons and read their old books.”
