She screamed, interrupting his futile apology, her voice piercing the air like shattered glass. She felt her emotionscompletely spiral out of control, her powers lashing out like a wild beast.
The room shook as Adriana unleashed her light and her shadows all at once without meaning to, throwing Xander away from her. He picked himself up off the floor, only for Adriana to pin him against the wall by his throat, her talons cutting into his neck as she held him there.
Her skin prickled with the heat of her magic, the room became so much brighter as her blue eyes disappeared and gave way to an endless black abyss. She snarled at him, her fangs sharp against her lips. This was the monster he had created, this was the monster she had become. And now that monster was thirsty for revenge.
“I am glad Quies did not answer me,” he stuttered out, his voice straining as her grip on his throat tightened. “I’m glad he didn’t let me stay in my dreams, because you are not there waiting for me with open arms. You are right here with the same scowl on your face and the fury that I fell for. Even with your hands around my neck, I will adore you. Hold a blade to my heart and watch me continue to love you. And I will always wonder if I should risk your hand, your power, or the kiss of your blade just to kiss your lips.”
Another scream tore from Adriana’s throat. She wanted him to fight back, to push her to throw everything she had at him. But the look in his eyes told her all she needed to know. He wanted to let her hurt him, to do whatever she needed to face their past. He would take every bit of pain she inflicted on him—he would lay his life down for her to take if she wished. But he would not let her hurt herself.
She continued to glow with Luciferus light, the magic burning so bright she felt her skin burning with it. As she cried out, she noticed her shadows dart uncontrollably around the room, their dark wisps erratically flying and twitching through the air. Usingher moment of distraction, Xander tore her hand from his throat and wrenched it away from him, spinning her body so her back was against his chest as he restrained her.
“Take it out on me, not on you. Do not hurt yourself, Adriana.”
Adriana laughed at him as she struggled to get out of his grip. “You didn’t seem to care about me getting hurt when you attacked me. You didn’t care about how much it hurt me when you killed my father. My household. My great-grandmother. She was your friend, and you betrayed her!”
“I didn’t kill Striga.”
“Don’t you dare lie to me!”
She threw her head back, smacking him in the face. A sickening crunch confirmed she had broken his nose, but he only gave a small grunt of pain. And still, he did not let her go; he only held her tighter.
“Adriana, I did not kill Striga. It was her death that broke my control over my mind and let that poisonous snake infect me. You have to believe me, please.”
Adriana continued to struggle, her body burning painfully with Luciferus light, her skin carrying a strong current of electricity. Her powers had never reacted this way, she’d never been able to physically harm herself with them, especially her light. This was more than burnout, more than a slip of control. This was her magic completely unchained, wild, and free. All balance had been lost.
“Fuck!” Xander shouted. The smell of his own skin burning filled her nostrils as he continued to hold her.
Adriana could feel him clawing at her mind, trying to find a way in through her defences. It hurt so much to keep them up, and it only took a few more seconds before Xander forced the walls guarding her mind to crumble away. And just as he’d done that day by the lake all those years ago, when she’d requested heshow her his true self, he pushed a memory of his into her own mind.
She watched through Xander’s eyes as he looked up at the window of her old home, and saw herself screaming and banging on her window, begging Xander to stop. Adriana wanted to shout at herself, to tell her to use her powers, but she knew she hadn’t been able to call upon them in that moment. She had let the defeat sink in long before she’d died.
Xander looked down to the body that lay still in the water underneath his boot. Her father, she realised. He floated in the shallows of the lake face down, his corpse bloody and broken.
She watched Xander walk up the stairs towards her chambers, stomping down on each step and dragging his talons along the wall as he made his way up. She could feel the bloodlust he felt, the raw and powerful desire to hurt and kill her, a desire that was not truly his own. Simmering beneath it, was an unmistakable panic and desperation as the real Xander begged for it to stop. But he was so small, just a tiny voice in the back of his own mind, as Lilith empowered the darkness within him.
Stalking across the landing, he glanced into Striga’s room. Adriana could see her great-grandmother lying in a pool of her own blood, the exact same way she had found her the next morning. And she realised Xander had told the truth. He hadn’t killed her, somebody else had.
With Lilith’s hold on Xander’s mind, he was able to understand that Caligo had been the one sent to kill her, only Striga had sacrificed herself in order to stop him from taking her power. In her final moment, she had forced Caligo back to the Intermundum, and used every last remaining ounce of energy to do so. She had wounded the Prince of the Intermundum, but he was not Lilith’s true weapon. Xander was.
The memory continued, showing Xander kick her bedroom door open and stare at her sitting on her bed in her weddingdress. Adriana knew it didn’t make sense since she couldn’t age, but she almost looked younger in the memory.
All of a sudden, she felt herself falling as Xander removed his control from her mind. He held onto her as her body slumped, supporting her weight and placing her to sit between his legs as he sat on the bed, her back leaning against his chest. He kept one arm around her, keeping her arms locked tight, whilst his free hand tentatively reached towards her face. He stroked along her cheek and brushed the strands of hair out of her face. This time, she didn’t flinch at his touch.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her ear, his tears falling onto her shoulder as he lowered his head. “I cannot explain how sorry I am, Adriana. I can’t express the pain I have felt knowing I did that to you, thinking that you were gone forever.”
She didn’t speak, she couldn’t say anything. She had felt the lust he’d felt that night, the hunger and desire to destroy her, to make her hurt and scream for him. And she had felt the pain and despair the real Xander had felt as he relived that memory for her to see. A memory that he had clearly buried deep down, one that plagued his mind.
She started to cry, not uncontrollably like before, but softly. Her skin dulled, no longer glowing with burning light, and the shadows in the room settled. For the first time, she let herself mourn the life she lost. She let herself pity the poor Adriana who had been put through so much, she let herself feel sad for being alone for so long. Of course, she had the descendents of Divina that she had been passed along to, and she had Cass, the closest thing she’d ever have to a sister, but she had never been truly complete… not since Xander.
“I knew it wasn’t you,” she said, her voice hoarse. “I’d always known it wasn’t you in control, but you still did it. You still did that to me, and I don’t know if I can ever forgive you.”
Xander nodded understandingly. “I don’t want you to forgive me, I don’t deserve it. I knew Striga’s counter curse would break one day. I knew we were destined to be a tragedy, that Lilith would likely take control of me again. And I did nothing to prevent it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you. You knew I would have doneanythingfor you.”
Xander sat silent. If he had just asked her to learn to channel her powers to him, to keep Lilith at bay until he could work out how to remove her from his mind completely, then perhaps none of it would have happened. If he had just pushed aside his pride and asked for help, he could have prevented everything. Yes, Adriana knew he wasn’t completely to blame for what happened, for he wasn’t in control of himself. But it was still his fault.
She pulled his arm away from her and stood from the bed, needing to put some space between them. As she walked to the window and stared out, she finally realised where they were.
