“None of us will be,” Edward said, as he rose to stand, his eyes darting to the door. “That is why we have each other. The first leaders of the Courts are the children of Lilith who betrayed her, our enemies are all of those who did not.”
Adriana stood as she heard Xander’s voice echoing through the manor as he called for her to continue their training. She was brushing her trousers down when Edward grabbed both of her hands, giving them a comforting squeeze. His face was level with hers as he bent forward slightly and offered her a gentle smile.
“We are family,” he whispered. “Not because of her, but because of what we chose. We chose one another, and now you are a part of that family too, dear Adriana. Not just because of what you are to Xander, but because of what you are to us.”
Edward shooed her out of the study before she could reply, though she wasn’t sure how she would have responded at all without crying and hugging the life out of him. But the warmth that spread through her at Edward’s words slowly began to freeze throughout the rest of the afternoon as she fell subject to Xander’s icy, dissociated tone again.
They trained for hours, working on her physical combat and the speed of which she could call upon her power by aiming beams of light at targets Xander had set up around the gardens.He hadn’t pushed her at all like he usually did, he hadn’t made a single snarky comment, even when she tripped over her own foot in a hurry to aim for the next target. She hated it.
“What is it?” he asked, with a sigh when he brought her down from his horse outside her house. The sun had almost set, its last rays basking the grounds in a warm light. “What is wrong now?”
“What iswrong?” Adriana retorted. “You have not touched me in weeks. And the second you do, you pull away from me, and you have the nerve to ask me what is wrong?”
“I touch you all the time. I kiss you all the time.”
Adriana let out a cruel laugh, shaking her head in dismay. “You kiss me to help me. This morning was the first time you have touched me like that since what happened between us in the barn. You only want me when you need to fix me.”
“Are you quite serious?” he threw back at her, his face looking as if he had a sour taste in his mouth. “Really, Adriana, I knew you could be foolish but I never thought you dimwitted.”
“Do not talk down to me like that! I told you before, do not vex me.”
Xander stepped forward and glared down at her, his eyes flashing black momentarily. She had not seen his eyes turn, not since that night in the cellar.
“Oh, I vex you, do I?” he shouted. “All you do is torment me! You think I do not want you? You think I do notburnfor you just as I know you do for me?”
Adriana stepped back. He rarely raised his voice, even in their most heated arguments. Something was off. He was still the same Xander, still the same man that caused her to feel such a twisted desire, but something was different about him.
As she watched him drag a hand through his hair, his other clenching in a fist at his side whilst he let out a slow, long exhale, she realised he looked tired. His eyes were sunken, the usual slight creases around them absent, as if he had not truly laughedor smiled in a long time. Even his skin appeared ever so slightly paler. Though the differences were minimal, she scolded herself for not noticing sooner.
Gently, as if worried she might run at any sudden movement, he took one of her hands in his, holding it close to his chest.
“I am terrified of you, Adriana. I am terrified of the feelings I have for you, of this raw need. And knowing you feel the same way, it frightens me.”
She could feel his right knee twitching nervously against her leg as she brought her other hand up to his face, brushing away the curls that fell in his eyes and cradling his cheek.
“You do not need to be scared about any of this,” she spoke softly. “I know how I feel about you. I know I want you.”
“But you do not know all of me. You do not know what I have done, what I could still do.”
“I am not afraid of you, Xander. I know you do not want to hurt me.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, as if preparing himself for his confession. “That is where you are wrong,” he said, his head hung low in shame. “I do.” He gave her a sad smile as he stepped away from her, dropping her hand. “I want you, Adriana, and that means in more ways than one. It is hard for us to distinguish between lust and bloodlust, between desire and craving. The two are so closely linked, it is rare a Lamia experiences one without the other unless we are in a feeding frenzy.”
Adriana pondered for a moment, unsure what to say. She knew Lamiae often engaged in sex and feeding simultaneously, but she hadn’t realised it was because of their intertwined needs. She also knew from her conversations with Edward that being fed from could be just as enjoyable as it was for the Lamia drinking from them. But she didn’t want to push Xander to discuss it, not when he was being so open with his feelings.
“When was the last time you experienced a frenzy?”
“The last time Lilith took control of me, the night of the last meeting of the Courts…”
“The night I found you in the cellar,” Adriana finished for him. “Have you ever experienced a frenzy without her taking control?”
“Yes, we all do from time to time if we haven’t fed enough, but I had not experienced one in decades. We try to feed often to minimise the chances, and we only feed from people who are willing, whether they be mortals or Daemons.”
Adriana stiffened at the thought of him drinking someone’s blood; it made her jealous knowing feeding was so closely linked with sex, but she pushed the feeling aside. She knew she wanted him, she knew he wanted her, but he was right. She needed to know all of him.
“Show me what happened the last time you lost control.”
Xander’s brows furrowed at her request, clearly unsure.
