“We were two people from different worlds who were destined to be together.” Striga closed her eyes, appearing lost in her memories whilst Adriana listened intently. “Divina and I had been sent to find the leader of the Lupi, and to bring him to justice for disobeying the curse of the moon. Once the Lupi had learned how to control their shifts, they no longer followed Lilith’s commands of destruction. And so we were sent from the Intermundum to the Land of the Living, where we tracked him down, and plotted to kill him.”
Striga’s brows knotted together as if the admittance and recollection of what she had planned to do pained her. Adriana gently rubbed her arm, attempting to soothe the shiver that had run through her poor body.
“I didn’t know what he would become, to me or to all of us. All I knew was that I had orders, orders I had to follow, orders to kill. I had him pinned to a tree after we ambushed him in the night, my Luciferus light almost blinding him, when Divina had a vision. She saw who Thomas was, she saw he could become the love of my life, my home. And she saw everything he would do to protect the world from Lilith.
“I didn’t believe her, not at first, but I trusted my sister more than anyone. Although there were three of us, Divina and I had always shared a stronger bond with one another than we did with Malefica. She told me we would have a child, a baby girl named Adriana, your grandmother, may her soul rest with Mortis. And so my sister and I decided we would not return to the Intermundum. We would forsake our immortality to remain in this Land of the Living permanently. I chose to live, I chose to live with my Thomas. I chose to find my home and family.”
Tears fell from her great-grandmother’s eyes. Adriana couldn’t imagine what it was like to have lived through so much, to have survived Lilith’s brutal upbringing, to have the strength to disobey her creator and follow her heart, only to one day watch her own daughter die. And to have the love of her life die in her arms. She did not remember her grandmother, Adriana, for she had been too young to remember when she’d passed. But she had felt the loss of Thomas, she still felt it now.
Adriana stood from the bench and walked a few feet away, not wanting Striga to see the tear that had begun to run down her cheek. She knew it was ridiculous, to feel guilty about her pain, but she didn’t want Striga to worry about her, not when she had suffered tenfold what Adriana had.
“You chose the love of your life because Divina had told you of your possible future, but how did he choose you?” Adriana asked. “How did he learn to trust in you, to have courage in you?”
“I did not choose the love of my life, neither did he choose me. Love is a powerful force, more powerful than any magic we possess or any curse placed upon us. I could have chosen to ignore Divina’s prediction. I could have chosen to kill him and returned to the Intermundum to be more powerful, but I did not. The love I felt, the love I would feel for Thomas, took my choice away. There is never a choice when it comes to who we love.”
Adriana grew frustrated at her words, pacing back and forth between the lake and where Striga sat. “Love controlled you?” she asked, a small laugh of annoyance escaping her. “You tell me to control my emotions, and yet you allowed your feelings to control your entire future, your entire life? Forgive me, Great-grandmother, if I do not appear to understand your hypocritical lessons.”
She felt the shame wash over her at the bite in her words. She didn’t mean to take out her vexation with herself on Striga, but she was growing impatient with the twisted lessons that weren’t helping her in any way.
She stopped pacing and watched Striga with a sheepish look. “I am sorry, please forgive me. I am just tired and exhausted from all of this. I am tired of not being enough.”
Striga hauled herself to her feet and hobbled over to Adriana, holding her face between her hands in a firm grip. “Do not ever convince yourself that you are not enough. Do not let that awful voice inside you take over, do not letherwin.”
Adriana nodded slightly. She didn’t want to talk about the dark thoughts inside her head, the voice constantly reminding her she would never amount to anything. She didn’t want to give that voice the time of the day. Though she knew she would have to face her fears, now was not the time. She wasn’t ready yet.
Fidgeting under Striga’s intense stare, as if she were trying to see inside her head and pull out each and every terrible thought to replace it with kindness, she pulled away from her, hating howweak she felt. With a sigh, Striga let her go but looped her arm round Adriana’s.
“In answer to your question,” Striga said, as she walked them both towards the lake. “Love did control me, but only as much as I controlled the love I felt. Perhaps I have not explained efficiently before, but control is not about shutting down your emotions, nor is it about giving up all sense of ownership to them either. It is about balance. If you can balance your emotions in the way that they affect you and the way that you utilise them, only then will you control your power.”
Hesitating for a moment, Striga lifted one of her hands towards the lake, a faint tremble in her fingers as she reached out and gradually turned her wrist. Slowly, a pillar of water began to rise, drawn upwards to the sky just as Adriana had conjured before. Adriana watched as the water stretched higher and Striga’s hand shook harder, as if it were taking all her effort to contain it.
“Find your equilibrium, my Adria,” she whispered. “Find your inner balance.”
Adriana allowed her words to wash over her body and sink into her mind. She focused on the calmness she felt with nature, the serenity of the outdoors, the feel of the earth beneath her bare feet, the beauty in the way the water flowed.
But she also allowed herself to feel her emotions, to feel every bad thought about herself in that moment, to feel the pain of losing her great-grandfather, to feel the torment of never knowing her mother, to feel the pressure of mastering her powers to fulfil a duty that had been thrown at her from such a young age. She felt it all, and she used it to strengthen her grasp on the world, on the water in front of her.
Raising her hand next to Striga’s, she watched with satisfaction as a pillar of water joined the one that had already grown. But this time, it was stronger. The water was denser, itflowed up like a floating river rather than the thin streams she had conjured before or the bubbling tower Striga struggled to to hold. It grew taller and taller, and as Striga was about to let go of her own pillar, Adriana took it from her.
She brought both of her hands up, moving them in intricate patterns, causing the water to twist and curve into shapes across the lake and into the sky. She allowed herself to feel proud, and she let that pride rush through her body and extend her power over the water even more.
She thought of all the happy memories she had with Thomas, the joy she felt when hearing Striga’s stories, the jokes she shared with her father when they would make fun of other pompous men from the village. She embraced the euphoria that flooded her senses when she had first shown hints of her powers, the giddiness from her first kiss with Jonathon, the stable boy, and the sense of empowerment she felt when she laid with him for the first time.
Her mind drifted through each memory, happy and sad, before settling on when she had first met Xander eight years ago. She could feel the relief she had felt when she saw that he was no longer in as much pain, all because of her. She had helped him when he had been so clearly determined nothing would. She had been so young, and yet she had helped the strongest, deadliest, greatest Daemon to walk the Land of the Living.
She could do this. She could help others. She could help herself.
A loud laugh escaped her as she twirled around the edge of the lake, the water continuing its beautiful patterns in the air, smaller streams of water breaking free to dance around her. She felt the wind against her face, and focused on that, sending a strong breeze through the flowerbeds which brought a trail of petals and leaves to join her water dance.
That’s what this was—a dance. A dance of nature, a dance of the elements, a dance of an Incantrix.
She spun and spun, the water and wind spinning with her. With every wave of her hand, the water followed, and with every step she took, the grass beneath her feet began to bloom small white flowers. She felt glorious and, for the first time in her life, the vulnerability she felt of allowing herself to feel her emotions made her feel strong. Until she felt that gaze upon her again, the sensation of being watched by someone who could undoubtedly unravel her completely.
She abruptly stopped and faced the heated stare she felt from along the path, finding Xander’s eyes fixed on her as he made his way towards her. He’d come to watch her again, only this time he’d seen her in her element. But as her eyes met his and her heart stopped, so did her control.
The water came crashing down around her, soaking her clothes and pushing her and Striga down to the ground. Adriana held her breath as Xander came rushing over, his movements so fast he was all but a blur until he appeared in front of her. He reached out a gloved hand to help her up, the sleeves of his shirt rising to reveal dark swirling marks on his skin, but the moment Adriana moved to accept his offer, he snatched it back with a scowl.
For a heartbeat, Xander simply stared down at her, his expression stern.He can’t even bear to touch me, she thought, a familiar wave of self-loathing washing over her. She saw an almost imperceptible shake of his head as he let out a sharp sigh, before he wordlessly stepped around her, leaving her sitting drenched and humiliated on the wet grass.
