Neil watched her lift Anna into the seat and settle her against a cushion. Finn climbed after with a small grunt. Maggie gathered herself and sprang up, then turned in a tight circle and planted herself across both children as if she could keep out the morning cold. Kristen climbed in last, taking Finn’s hand and laying the other on Anna’s back.
The driver waited for the order.
Neil remained standing, unsure of what to say and how to say it. She had an air of finality about her. One that seemed to tell him this breakwas going to be longer and perhaps more permanent.
Kristen nodded to the driver, and he flicked the reins. The horses leaned into the harness, and the wheels rolled forward. The lanterns swung and threw long bars across the courtyard, and the grind of wood on stone echoed through the air.
Davina lifted a hand that did not quite wave, and the maids and guards stood back.
Kristen did not turn around, while Neil remained in the doorway, watching the carriage roll through the gate and into the fog beyond. He stayed even after the last glimmer of lantern light disappeared around the bend in the road, even after the clip-clop of hooves faded and the only sound left was the hiss of torches on the walls.
He let out the breath he had been holding since Kristen stepped out of her room. He could name the steel in his hand, and the distance between two men with swords, and the length of a road he had walked in chains. But he could not name the weight that now sat under his breastbone. He only knew that it was heavy and that he could not set it down.
A guard approached and stopped at the foot of the steps. “Me Laird,” he said. “Shall I close the gate?”
“Aye,” Neil muttered.
The gate swung shut with a dull thud.
He stood there a while longer, then turned around and walked back inside.
The corridor that led to Kristen’s chamber felt wrong for some reason, so he did not take it. Instead, he crossed the hall and climbed to his tower, where he had once chosen to be alone.
He found the window that looked out over the road she had taken and stood there until the torches below guttered out.
For the first time since his return, Kristen was truly gone.
31
Neil stood in the hall, watching the maids and guards pass with quick nods and curtsies. He had heard his title so many times that it no longer sounded like a word to him. Instead, it sounded like a phrase he had to get used to. A phrase that had haunted him ever since his wife took the children and left.
For the next couple of days, he did nothing but stare out the windows in the corridors. He spent more time there than in his study with the books and polish or in the Great Hall with the council members and visitors.
The bandit remained in the dungeons, smug at first, but fear of permanent imprisonment had begun to show on his face.
Good. That was what Neil wanted anyway.For the bastard to be afraid. It wouldn’t make up for the five years he had spent being brutally tortured, but it came close.
His hands were still folded, his eyes fixed on the window that overlooked the castle gates, when he felt another presence at his side.
“Neil.”
He turned.
Davina stood a few paces away, her eyes rimmed red, her face blotchy from tears, her back ramrod straight. He had never seen her look so breakable and so steady in the same breath.
“How are ye?” he asked.
He knew the question was useless even as it left his mouth.
She let out a small, rough laugh. “I just found out that me husband had been plotting against ye for years,” she said. “Against the clan. I daenae ken how I am.”
Neil nodded. “I ken very well how ye feel.”
She looked down at the empty road. “I keep thinking I was a fool. I thought what I had with Lachlan was real. I thought I kent the man I lay beside every night.” Her mouth trembled. “Turns out I was sleeping next to a stranger.”
Neil said nothing. There were no words that could fix her hurt.
Davina drew a breath and wiped her cheeks with the heel of her palm, as if furious at herself for crying.
