Neil drew a breath. It sounded ragged. He opened his mouth to deny it. She raised a hand, and the words died in his throat.
“Ye have every reason to fear love,” she croaked. “Every time ye reached, it bit ye. I see that now.”
His expression shifted. The Wolf disappeared. For a moment, he looked like a man who had fought too long and just wanted to sit down.
The sight broke something in her chest. She held it together anyway.
“I only wanted to avoid distractions,” he said hoarsely. “Keep me head clear. Do me duty. I thought if I stayed away, I would hurt fewer people.”
She let out a tired, broken laugh. “Right. And look where that got us.”
He flinched as if struck.
“We daenae agree then, husband,” she continued. “Ye think love is a danger. I think the lack of it did more harm than any blade I have ever seen.”
He looked down at the floor. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. She watched him fumble for words, but none came.
“I am safe now,” she sniffed. “Me faither is gone. Lachlan is gone. The men who did this will face the consequences. For the first time in me life, I am nae living under a man’s rage or mercy every hour.”
She looked around the room. The low fire. His swordbelt on the chair. The window that opened over a courtyard still marked by blood.
“I should be relieved, should I nae? Yet I feel like I cannae breathe in this place.”
Neil frowned. “The windows are open. Do ye want to come to the tower instead? The air there is more?—”
Kristen shook her head. “Nay, that isnae what I’m saying.”
His shoulders tensed. “What are ye saying?”
“I need to leave for a while.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I will take the bairns to me braither. Murdock will keep us safe.”
She didn’t need to look up at his face to see the hurt on it.
“Kristen—”
“Please. This is important. It is important for me. Do ye nae see? I need to ken who I am if I am nae holding a castle together or living under the thumb of a man.”
He took a step toward her. “Kristen?—”
She lifted her hand again, ignoring the way it shook. She kept it raised anyway.
“Thank ye for protecting me,” she murmured. “Ye did. In the square. In the cell. But I need to protect meself now, and the bairns. I need silence and some air.”
He stood very still, and they both ignored the pop of the fire.
Maggie shifted her weight and sighed.
“Kristen, ye cannae possibly mean?—”
“Neil, I need to be alone for now.”
Another tense silence fell between them.
“Please,” Kristen said. “I need ye to leave.”
The word landed and settled.
Neil looked at her for a long moment, but she did not look away. His expression moved through a dozen emotions she could not name—anger,hurt,weariness.
