“No, it doesn’t.”
“No?” she asked.
“Not to me. Your feelings are just that. They’reyourfeelings. Who’s to say how you should or shouldn’t feel? Loss affects everyone differently. Do I think you should make some new Christmas memories? Sure I do. But whether or not you do that is totally up to you.”
I led us toward the gazebo in the middle of the square. It was empty and completely lit up. When you stood inside of it with all the lights shining, it felt like being inside of a Christmas ornament to me. A glow surrounded you, and from a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree angle, you could look all around the town as if you were inside of a viewing window made just for you. “Come on.”
I took her arm in mine to lead her inside the gazebo and positioned her square in the middle. I wouldn’t have discovered this little trick, had my daughter not pointed it out to me. “Now spin around slowly and tell me what you see.”
She looked at me with skepticism, pursing her lips slightly. “What am I looking for?”
I laughed. “You’re not looking for anything, Sam. Just look.”
She humored me and started to spin slowly. The shimmering lights bounced off her blond hair, and as she twirled around, she looked like an angel.
“So what do you see?” I asked.
Still twirling slowly, she replied. “I see a toy store. I see the bank. I see an ice cream shop and bakery.” She stopped twirling. “This is silly. What am I supposed to see?”
I stepped up behind her and pulled her gently into me and started to spin us both slowly. “Here’s what I see,” I whispered. “I see Mrs. Manor’s flowerbed filled with little wooden snowmen, where there’s always flowers in the spring. I see a rocking horse in the toyshop window, which reminds me of a simpler time when toys weren’t so complicated. I see snow art drawn on the window of the bank with that weird spray snow. It reminds me of powdered sugar on cookies.” She softened into me, and I stopped spinning and turned her around to face me.
A soft smile appeared on her face. “I guess maybe I needed someone to show me a little.”
“Well, there’s one other thing I have to show you right now.” I grinned and pointed above us. Honestly, I hadn’t even planned it, but there was mistletoe hanging from the center of the gazebo. I was still holding on to her, and she hadn’t let go, either, as her eyes averted overhead as well.
She lowered her head back down and then smirked. “What the hell,” she said as she raised herself up on her toes, pressing her lips softly to mine.
Chapter Eleven
Samantha
So I kissed a stranger. I guess he wasn’t really a stranger by then. But pretty damn close. After all was said and done, he opened my heart up, and I genuinely started to feel like the holidays could be different. I was already making some new memories.
We sat outside, just enjoying the crisp, cool air for hours. He asked me all about myself. What I loved about my job, what I loved about my life. I told him my favorite Christmas memories with my parents. The flamingos—I told him all about those silly flamingos—and for the first time in five years, I reminisced without anguish. I relished in sharing my stories, instead of dreading the return of their memory.
We walked back toward the houses, and I had a spring in my step. I felt lighter. Many of the families had gone back home, including my own. They’d taken Emily back with them, and it seems that my sister and Jason had arranged via text that he’d bring me back home where he could then pick up his little girl.
On the walk back, he’d casually reached for my hand, which I willingly nestled into his. I hadn’t felt so connected and at peace with someone in as long as I could remember. Just the two of us, without all of the chaos, all the noise of the holidays, was calming.
When we arrived back at my sister’s house, the little girls were all dead asleep in the living room. With three tiny, little bodies amassed by innumerable pillows, it looked like they’d passed out in the middle of playing.
“Hey guys,” my sister whispered when we walked in. “They finally crashed from all the sugar,” she joked.
“They look so peaceful,” I said.
“It’s a trick. When they wake up, the chaos begins again,” Jason said.
“Jason, if you want, Emily can sleep here tonight. I’m going to let the girls camp out in the living room. It’s vacation, after all. I can bring her by tomorrow after breakfast?” Robin suggested.
“Are you sure? I don’t want her to be an inconvenience, Robin,” he replied.
“Once you have two eight-year-olds, you may as well have ten. It’s no trouble at all. Besides, they’re all sacked out anyway.”
“Okay, that would be great. Thanks, Robin.”
“You’re welcome.” Her eyes shifted to me and back to him again. “I’m going to head off to bed myself. You two have a good night now.” She grinned knowingly, which was completely embarrassing. I suddenly felt like a teenager who was doing something she shouldn’t be.
“I should head home myself,” Jason said. Robin walked off to her room, and I could hear the door shutting softly. He turned to me, taking my hands in his. “I had a really good time tonight. I’d like to see you again. You’ll be at the concert tomorrow night?”
