“I am still shocked about this business between you and Mr. Darcy,” said Jane one evening in Elizabeth’s room before they retired. Jane had made the same comment on more than one occasion since Elizabeth’s return.
“No more than I was myself,” replied Elizabeth. “I do not think I am exaggerating when I say that Mr. Darcy did not even once betray any sign that he cherished such feelings for me.”
Jane turned to Elizabeth, her expression speculative. “Then you do not discount his feelings? I might not have expected it, considering your opinion of the gentleman.”
“In all truth,” replied Elizabeth with an uncaring shrug, “I hardly knowwhatto think. Even after I received his letter, I thought he had other feelings which would soon overcome any attraction he once held toward me. Now, I am not so certain as I was.”
The letter Elizabeth had kept to herself—her angelic sister would never ask to read it. Not only did it contain information concerning his efforts to detach Jane from Mr. Bingley, of which she had not informed her sister, but it was somehow an... intimacy she had no wish to share. There was nothing of affection in Elizabeth’s heart for the gentleman even now, yet she could not bear the thought of allowing anyone, evenher dearest sister, to read what he had written to her. Elizabeth could not explain it with any satisfaction, even to herself, but there it was.
“Given what you told me,” said Jane, “I suspect your feelings for Mr. Darcy are softer now than they were before.”
“Given what I thought of him,” rejoined Elizabeth, “there was little chance my opinion could become worse.”
Jane offered an understated smile. “That much is true, Lizzy. If I am honest, however, I wonder if you even understand your feelings at all yourself.”
Confused, Elizabeth regarded her sister. “What do you mean?”
“Just that your reaction to Mr. Darcy has always been strong, Lizzy. It has always struck me as odd that his words at the assembly provoked you to the anger you displayed. Your response to incivility is almost always humor seasoned with a fair measure of disregard. You laugh, rather than take offense.”
“Ididlaugh, with Charlotte soon after I overheard Mr. Darcy.” Elizabeth paused, still trying to understand Jane’s point. “Do you not suppose I had cause to be offended?”
“Without a doubt,” said Jane. “Yet you are no stranger to incivility and have witnessed and been the victim of others’ slights. Usually, you care nothing at all for ill-informed opinions. Yet Mr. Darcy provoked much more of a response than any other time that I can recall.”
“I... I do not know what to say,” replied Elizabeth, trying to think back on her dealings with Mr. Darcy.
“But you do not disagree with my assessment,” said Jane.
“Well...” Elizabeth considered it for a moment, then shrugged helplessly. “Perhaps you are correct, but I cannot recall. Mr. Darcydidoffend me, it is true, but I cannot recall feeling any more affronted than any other offense I ever received. If what you say is correct, then my behavior has notbeen at all good.”
“I do not speak to criticize, Lizzy,” replied Jane. “It just strikes me that your reaction was more excessive than I expected. When you perceive a slight to me, you do not hold back in your denunciation. When you are the target, however, you laugh at it and then ignore the perpetrator.”
“Then what does this tell you?” asked Elizabeth, curious as to her sister’s assessment.
“I am uncertain,” replied Jane with a frown. “Perhaps that your feelings for Mr. Darcy are not nearly so plain as you might think. I might almost say that you are closer to esteeming him than you believe. To truly push past your previous disdain, however, you must see him with unprejudiced eyes.”
Elizabeth considered her sister’s assertions. “Then you suppose I should allow him to make his case to me?”
“No, Lizzy,” replied Jane, her smile brimming with affection. “I do not intend to suggest you should entertain a renewal of the gentleman’s offer. I only suggest that you try to see him as he truly is, rather than what your first impression informed you that he was. He may yet surprise you.”
Later, when Jane bid her goodnight and retired to her room, Elizabeth lay awake, considering everything her sister had said. Jane’s words carried the inference that her judgment of Mr. Darcy had been too harsh, that there was more to the gentleman than Elizabeth had ever allowed possible.
Wasthere more to Mr. Darcy? The truthful woman in Elizabeth allowed that there was, for had he not proposed to her in contravention of everything she had ever thought she knew about him? True, his offer was as insulting as it had been ridiculous. The more Elizabeth considered his proposal, the more she wondered if his method of expressing himself had not come more from his upbringing than his feelings. It was also possible he had spoken as he had out of nervousness, thoughthe notion filled Elizabeth with mirth at the thought. Of all men, Elizabeth had never met one so self-assured as Mr. Darcy.
Where did this leave her? With many questions and precious few answers, questions that had little likelihood of ever becoming clear. What man rejected by a woman and with such acrimony would act to put himself in her company again? Surely not a man such as Mr. Darcy who, though perhaps not as reprehensible as Elizabeth had always supposed, surely possessed enough pride to render any such behavior unpalatable. Elizabeth did not blame him—she would be quite uncomfortable should he appear again. She could not imagine whathewould feel.
For a time, she wondered what it would be like to return Mr. Darcy’s affections. On a purely physical level, there was little enough of which to complain, for Elizabeth could not think there were half a dozen women in England who would not allow Mr. Darcy to be amongst the most handsome of his sex. The thought of such a man focusing on her with love and devotion—desire—set Elizabeth’s heart racing. What woman would be so perverse as to refuse such attention? Elizabeth Bennet, apparently, for she had done just that.
It was all useless, of course. Elizabeth could not imagine she would ever see the gentleman again, let alone receive a renewal of his proposal. Yet the experience was invaluable, for it taught her many things, not the least of which was the fallacy of her own infallibility. A rushed judgment was fraught with error, a mistake that Elizabeth did not wish to make again.
Bingley, the good fellow that he was, accepted Darcy’s explanation for his sudden departure and his determination to avoid Miss Bingley in the future. Darcy could say nothing of her slight against Miss Bennet, of course, for Darcy had said nothing to his friend of his meeting with her in Kent andcould notspeakof the scene in the parsonage. No living person would ever hear of his humiliation if he could avoid it. Miss Bennet might inform her sister, and likely would if what he knew of their closeness was at all accurate. That information, however, would never go beyond them, for Darcy trusted Miss Elizabeth to keep it in confidence.
As he had suspected, Bingley had seen something of his haste to depart his house that evening, and knowing what he did of Darcy’s opinion of his sister and their conversation before the event, he had expected something. Careful to avoid repeating anything that would bring his friend grief, Darcy had only alluded to a comment that had provoked his displeasure. Bingley accepted that without question, and without requiring Darcy to be more explicit.
“I am not surprised, my friend,” said Bingley when they discussed the situation. As he might have expected, Bingley had not visited Darcy for more than a week after that evening. Bingley was a social man, one who delighted in the events of the season. Bingley was not nearly so enthusiasticthisseason, no doubt influenced by his continued regret concerning Miss Bennet, but that did not mean his friend did not participate.
“I apologize, Bingley,” said Darcy, “but I am not of a mind to tolerate your sister’s behavior any longer.”
From any other man, Darcy would have expected a sharp retort, yet Bingley’s reply was a chuckle. “And yet, you endured her these past three years, and I thank you for it. Iknowhow my sister can be.”
