What was I thinking?
“Helena?”
She looked up at her companion, an eyebrow raised.
“What were you and my brother doing when I came to find you earlier?”
Helena could feel her cheeks heating up. She dipped her head, pretending to be absorbed in her meal.
“I don’t know what you mean,” she mumbled.
“In the study. When I came to look for you. You were standing close together and looking a bit…windswept.”
“Windswept?” Helena accidentally met Amelia’s eyes in her surprise.
“Yes…” Amelia waved her hand over her head as if to demonstrate.
“It was nothing. We were merely talking.”
“Talking?” Amelia said skeptically. “That didn’t look like talking.” She grinned mischievously. “It looked like you had beenkissing.”
Helena blushed bright red. “And how would you know that?”
Amelia scoffed. “I have seen people kiss before, you know. One of the milkmaids does it quite a lot with the groom. They think they are hidden at the back of the stables, but I can see them from my chambers.”
Helena hardly knew what to make of that.
“Yes, well, don’t go telling people about it. I’m sure your brother would be very upset,” she warned the teenager gently, hoping this would distract her.
Amelia spread her hands out. “Who would I tell? The only other women I can speak to freely here the female staff. And all of them would instantly tell Silas if I said anything they found inappropriate. Before you came, I really had nobody to speak to,” she said earnestly, touching Helena’s knee. “I am so glad you’re here now. I do hope you stay.”
Helena gave a sad smile, thinking of her brother.
Who does Charlie have to speak to?
She would gladly have returned Amelia’s sentiments, were it not for Charlie. She couldn’t trust anyone to have his best interests at heart. Shehadto look out for him.
“Helena?” Amelia said in a tentative tone, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just…you’re so easy to talk to.”
Helena reached for her hands, squeezing them gently and looking her in the eyes. “Of course you didn’t make me uncomfortable, dear. I was just thinking about…my own family.”
Amelia’s eyes widened with interest. “Oh? What of them? I don’t know much about families myself. It’s always been Silas and me.”
Helena frowned, wanting to ask about their parents, but not wanting to bring up a difficult subject for Amelia.
“I know what you want to ask,” Amelia offered, her eyes sparkling with cleverness. “My parents died in a carriage accident when I was very young. I don’t remember them, like I told you, and Silas doesn’t talk about them much. Even when I ask. Is it very different growing up with parents?”
Helena felt her eyes prick with tears. She hardly knew how to answer Amelia.
What could she possibly say, especially when her relationship with her own mother was complicated, to say the least?
But with her father…
Yes, having a parent is different. Most of the time you feel protected and loved especially when they envelop you in their arms and hold you close to their hearts. But then they can also turn their backs on you and neglect you and throw you away, and there’s no deeper pain than when a parent does that to you. Well, they can die, and leave you alone to face this world and all its cruelties.
Instead of admitting all that, she gave Amelia a pained smile. “I should like to think that to be loved is to be loved, whether it is by a parent or a sibling. I know I love my brother dearly, and that he loves me in return. I’m certain your brother feels the same about you.”
Amelia dropped her head, fiddling with her fork. “Sometimes I feel like I’m just a nuisance to him. That he would rather I left him alone.”
