My lips part, the hitch in my breath audible to the both of us, and I blink. “I— I love you, Lana.”
“I know.” She smiles. “Thank you for this. It really does mean a lot.”
“Better than words?”
Lana nods. “Yeah. I do like some of your words though.”
I kiss her left dimple. “I love you.” I kiss her right dimple. “I love you.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
Lana chuckles. “Okay, okay. Put me down.” Chuckling to myself, I set her down gently. “You make me feel like a teenage girl sometimes I swear. Come inside, Grace and I cooked us dinner.”
I smile. “Okay.”
I follow Lana inside and sit beside her as we eat dinner. And as we sit at the island together, I practice the things my therapist told me.Live in the present.Leave the past where it is.
I’m working on leaving the past where it is, because it has no business being here. Not anymore. Not with her.
My hands are shaking too hard and the key can’t find where it needs to go, it’s just scratching against the metal.
I give up and let the keys fall from my hand. I pound on the door with the sides of my fists. “Baby,” I slur. “Baby, please. Open the door, baby. Babyyyyy. Ba?—”
The door opens and I fall right in, smile on my face. “Baby! Hey?—”
“Get up,” she says in a voice that can scare a line of soldiers into standing tall.
I push myself up and crawl far enough into the apartment to close the door, and sit back against it. I watch Lana walk away from me, into our bedroom, throwing a book aside. She’s mad—she’d never treat her books like that. Ever.
I love her. My girl and her books. I love her.
“Lana! Lana, come back baby.”
She comes back out of the bedroom, her face red and seething, but she’s so goddamn pretty I have to smile. “Baby,” I whine. “You’re so pr?—”
“Get your ass up, Christian!” Lana shouts and walks into our bathroom.
The pipes hum in the bathroom just as I get myself onto my feet, groaning loudly. I try not to trip over myself as I toe off my shoes. The water is running, Lana is still in the bathroom, and I hope she’s naked and her cheeks are flushedwaiting for me.
I stagger into the bathroom, pulling off my shirt before the sleeve gets stuck on my elbow. I laugh. “Baby, help. I want to kiss you.”
Her warm hands are on my skin pulling off the rest of my shirt and I smirk when she comes into view. Fully clothed. I take off my pants because, well, nakedness. Then I’m naked and she says, “Get in the shower, Christian.”
I smirk. “Are you getting in with me?”
“Get. In.”
I smile. “Okay.”
It takes a lot of effort to focus on my legs, to bend my knees over the lip of the tub. I stand, close my eyes, and step under the spray. “What the fuck?”
I spit the water out of my mouth, push back my hair, and take a step back. “Lana, what the fuck? It’s freezing!”
Her nostrils flare and she steps into the tub in her lounge shorts and tank top.“You’re askingme, what the fuck?”
Lana shoves my shoulder and pins me back against the cold tile wall. Her hand holds my chin tightly as she says, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Christian?”
I try to pay attention, I do. I try to stay awake, try to feel sober. The cold water only opened my eyes, but I can’t…
Her hand comes across my cheek, making it sting as I come to. “Answer me!”
