I shake my head.
“Dude.”
“This is going to sound stupid,” I mumble, “but I’m scared.”
Julian snorts, pulling the flowers from the pot and planting them in the ground. “You know, if you did, you could save yourself so much torture, right?”
I shrug and do the same things Julian does. I want to tell him I deserve it but…
We don’t say anything for a while, we’re just two friends gardening. Well,he’sgardening and I’m just trying to make my girlfriend smile at me. I hear her and Grace from outside, the two of them laughing. Both laughs are beautifully contagious, but Lana’s? I can see those dimples in my mind.
Dimples of a heartbreaker, I used to say.
Dimples of a heartbreaker.
She doesn’t deserve the vague, incomplete explanations,she deserves the answers and closure. She deserves the actions to show how much I love her and appreciate her.
I clear my throat and build up enough courage to ask Julian, “Do you know—Did she date anyone while I was…”
Julian grunts as he digs out a chunk of dirt. “Why don’t you ask her yourself?”
I nod as my heart drops into my stomach.
“No,” he says. “If she did, everyone would have known. Unless she kept it an airtight secret, I don’t think so.”
I nod. “Right.”
“She did tell me once that she was thinking about going on a date with this guy named Sam last year. Didn’t work out though, she stood him up because she couldn’t get herself to go. She never spoke to him again.”
“Shetoldyou that?”
He shrugs and digs another hole. “Yeah, we’re, like, best friends.”
I frown. “Oh.”
“She needed someone and so did I, Christian. Haley died, I was a single father to a newborn, and I didn’t have anyone else other than my dad. But Lana was there. We were both grieving for a long time, still are maybe.”
“Grieving…”
“I was grieving the mother of my child, and she was grieving you. We both lost. And the way she was…it was like you died. So we helped each other. She came over a lot to help with Grace, especially when I had to work. She’d babysit if I had something I couldn’t get out of. And we went together to get Grace’s ears pierced. She picked out the earrings and everything.”
“Oh.”
“She’s Grace’s aunt and they have a really deep connection.”Julian huffs a laugh and puts one of the flowers in the hole he dug out. “Grace called her mama for a bit when she started speaking, but Lana would laugh and say, ‘No, it’s Auntie Lana.La-Na.’ I get it though. To a one year, Lana and mama sound kind of similar?”
“So Lana and you are best friends?”
“Kind of.”
I swallow, my brain turning into my worst enemy. “Did you two ever?—”
Julian laughs loudly—full belly laugh. “Iknowyou didn’t just ask me that.”
“It’s just a question?—”
“It’s not. You think that little of me?”
“No. I shouldn’t have asked.”
