Last week was the exception when she welcomed me in her bed after a bad day, but it wasn’t what I wanted it to be. Maybe that sounds terrible, but I didn’t want it to happen like that. I wanted it to be us on her bed, kissing and holding onto each other like we might die. I wanted to make love to her slowly and tell her how much I love her in her ear after agoodday.
I didn’t want to fuck her or eat her out on her floor. I want to lay her down, take off her clothes, and kiss every inch of her skin. Worship her the way she deserves and apologize over and over again with careful touches and whispers.
Lana shakes her head and takes a step back. “Thank you for the flowers.”
I dip my chin and try not to sayI love youout loud right now.
“Thank you,” she breathes again, but this time it has more weight. Like there is something else she wants to say but doesn’t know how. “Thank you.”
I open my mouth to speak but her hand is against my chest and her lips touch my cheek.
“I brought you this,” she whispers and pulls out a small bottle from the back pocket of her denim shorts. “You’re going to be out in the sun all day and I won’t let you get premature wrinkles.”
Lana hands me a bottle of sunscreen, the same one she’s worn since I met her. Then she leaves.
I exhale a breath I didn’t know I was holding onto so tightly, and wish I could just sink into the ground or something. That soft peck on my cheek feels like a punishment, and I almost wish she didn’t give it to me at all.
Once she’s back inside, I open the top of the sunscreen and apply it across my face and neck. Then I continue to go back and forth, bringing in the things I bought from Miss Violet through the side gate so Lana doesn’t see the rest of the evidence.
From the back, it’s quiet enough to hear a car pull in, doors open and close, and the sound of Grace talking to her father.
I wipe my hands on the pants I’m now using strictly for gardening, and take a peek inside through the screen door.
“Oh hey, Julian,” Lana smiles, then gasps. “Gracie!”
I find Julian holding his sleepy, beautiful baby girl in his tattooed arms. He smiles but I’ve known him since we were eleven—it’s a sad smile he thinks I can’t see through.
“Look, Grace,” he says to his daughter, waking her up. “It’s Auntie Lana.”
Auntie Lana?Am I missing something?
Grace’s arms reach out for Lana who has a huge, bright grin on her face that I haven’t seen in a long time. The same one she used to give me with those deep, twin dimples.
“How’s the cutest baby in the whole wide world?” Lanasays in her baby voice, peppering kisses all across her chubby cheeks. “Baby Gracie!”
Grace giggles, showing off her baby teeth, pushing Lana’s away with her tiny hands. “Me!”
I hear Julian chuckle, and it’s just as sad a sound as his smile looked. Lana and Julian fall into easy conversation, and I can’t help but wonder?—
No, that definitely didn’t happen.
Couldn’t have. He’d never. Neither would she. I know that.
I know that.
While holding Grace at her hip, Lana takes out another glass and fills it with water. Julian sits at the island and she slides him a glass. “What are you guys doing here?”
Julian takes a long sip and I step into the house. “I’m helping Christian with his garden.”
“Thanks for ruining it,” I mumble, sliding the back door closed. I make my way over to Lana who’s holding Grace and kiss Grace’s head. “Hey, princess.”
“Uncle Christian!” Grace grins, a soft little laugh floating around the air.
I smile and, just because, I kiss the top of Lana’s head. Julian shoots me a look over her head and Lana looks at me over her shoulder while I grab water from the fridge.
“And it’s notmygarden, by the way.”
“Men can have gardens, Christian,” Julian says.
