Fuck it.
I walk out of the guest room and up the stairs to find her bedroom door ajar, moonlight casting a glow on the light wooden floors.
I push the door the rest of the way open and she sits up on her side immediately, almost as though she was waiting for me. Her eyes are soft and filled with worry. “Lana?—”
“Do you need me tonight?”
“Maybe,” I rasp. “Yes.”
“Come here,” she breathes.
Pouting with the most intense urge to burst into a sobbing fit, I crawl onto her bed. Lana kneels, holding up her hand to stop me, and I kneel before her. Her head is tilted back, her eyes locked on mine, and I know I made the right decision. Not drinking anymore will always be the right decision for the rest of my life. I won’t hurt myself, I can’t. I won’t hurt her either.
“Lana,” I breathe into the dark room, only a soft glow coming in through the windows.
“We’re going to sleep,” she whispers.
Lana puts her hands on my abdomen, smoothing them down until they’re at the hem of my shirt, pushing it up until it’s over my head. Then her fingers untie the knot I made at the front of my drawstring pajama pants, and her lips part as she peers up at me.
“Sleeping?”
Lana closes her mouth briefly, swallowing, before her lips part again. “Yes,” she breathes, pushing the pants down my hips and exposing my boxer briefs beneath. “Sleep.”
My own lips part as I drink her in—the way her caramel eyes look at me like I might be worth something after all. I need her to look at me like that all the time, every day, until the day I die. Because that is how long I will love her for, and even after death.
“Off, baby,” Lana whispers, tugging at my pants. I remove them completely until I’m left in my briefs. Her eyes roam over me shamelessly as she pushes hair behind her ear.
“Sleep?” I rasp and her breath comes out shuddered, her hand reaching to rest against my stomach.
Lana watches her every move as her fingers trace the lines on my torso, the touch making my muscles clench and relax every so often under her smooth fingertip.
“Lana,” I exhale shakily, watching the way her face softens and the way she wets her bottom lip before biting into it.
Her fingers dance their way up the center of my chest and move across my shoulders, running down the length of my arms before coming back to my ribs. Her fingers coming down my sides and stopping at theVat my hips, the tip of a finger slipping just beneath the waistband of my Calvin’s.
I try not to jerk my hips, to make it obvious that I’m painfully hard. But her eyes are locked right there and I don’t miss the flinch at the corner of her lips. Lana drags her finger tips down the tops of my thighs before moving them back up to my waist.
I could remain here happily like this tonight, with Lana touching me. I just desperately need her touching me all the time. Now there is no chaotic storm in my head, it’s just this—herhere with me, bringing me back down to reality.
Lana’s hands remain at the sides of my ribcage, her palms pressed into my skin, and she finally looks at me again with her lips parted.
“Sleep,” she says.
“Sleep,” I say, unsure of who needs more convincing.
Lana’s exhale escapes through parted lips, her fingers curl slightly, and I reach for her. My hands cradle her face, and her gasp is a quiet one as she leans in. As she inches forward, I dothe same. She retreats, jerk her heading back hesitantly, before she leans in again.
“Sleep,” she breathes on my lips, the word coming out almost as a moan.
I nod and my nose grazes the side of hers. “Sleep.”
I catch as she wets her lips, her eyes dropping to my lips. “Christian?”
“Lana,” I breathe, leaning in again until she pulls back, pressing her forehead to mine.
Lana pulls back again until she’s peering up at me with those big eyes and I just want to kiss her. All night. Only kiss her and reacquaint myself with her lips, mumble sweet nothings against them. Hear the words that fall from between them and the laughter that sings out of her.
Slowly, she takes her position on the center of her bed, curling up on her side. So I lie behind her, pressing my front to her back and pulling her into the cocoon of my arms.
