“Why not?”
Her eyes flutter, lids heavy. “You know why.”
I’ve been thinking about the other night since…the other night. I want the moment I kiss her again for the first time in four years to be something that will stick. Something I can take with me if she comes to me and says I need to go and she means it. If she tells me she is serious and I have no chance at all.
She hasn’t told me any of that, but there is still time.
Lana looks up at me with heavy, tired eyes and I try to read her. But I just… I always end up justlooking at her.I look at her now and I want to ask,How much love do you get these days? How much space or peace do you have? Are you resting? What hurts? How can I fix it? Can I be a part of it? Is there a chance and is there space in your heart for me?
I don’t know anything anymore and it terrifies me.
“Tell me anyway,” I rasp, just needing to hear her voice.
“You left me,” she whispers into a yawn. “You left.”
I put more pressure on her foot, knowing this part well enough from all the times I’ve given her these massages when she used to work at Katherine’s Diner. It’s this spot that puts her to sleep right here.
“I had to,” I manage to say. “My dad died, Lana. I had to take over and?—”
“I know,” she whispers. “Never mind, I don’t want to talk about this right now. You can go, I just want to take a nap.”
“I’ll go,” I concede. I give her foot one last squeeze and, hesitantly, kiss her cheek. I don’t give time for a reaction before I see myself out.
The door closes behind me and the sound makes me flinch.
Take off your shoes.But I had to put them back on.
I sigh, getting into my car, letting Lana rest before I go off to my meeting.
Christian
Are you sure it’s here?
Nico
Yes
Christian
Do I just go in?
Nico
Yes…
Christian
Front door?
Nico
Wtf Christian have you never gone inside a building before?
Christian
This doesn’t look like a place where AA is
Nico
