“And I didn’t kiss them.”
“Ever?”
He shakes his head. “Couldn’t.”
“Alright, then…” I’m happy about that, obviously. “I think it’s healthy to admit that I might be a bit jealous when it comes to you.”
He laughs. “A bit? You turned into a cave woman.”
I gape at him and pinch his side. “At least I’m admitting to the problem!”
“Okay—okay, fine. You’re right.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him close between my legs. “Christian? Did she… Did she order you a drink?”
He nods, his throat working. “Yeah.”
“I’m proud of you,” I whisper. “Not just for that, but…for all of it. I should have told you back home that night. I’m sorry I didn’t, but I am, Christian.”
His eyes drop and slight frown tugs at the corner of his mouth.
“Hey, don’t do that,” I say, tilting his head back up to look at him with my hand against his jaw. “Don’t act like your recovery isn’t anything special or important.”
“Is it important to you?” Christian asks quietly, sadly.
“Is it important toyou?” I counter. “It has to be important to you, baby. Is it?”
He nods. “It is.”
“Then it is to me too. It will always be special and important to me.”
“I’m trying,” he says. “I really am.”
“I know.”
“Some days it’s hard,” Christian rasps. “And… Sometimes I?—”
My fingers sift through his hair at his nape. “You don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to.”
“Sometimes… Sometimes I miss it,” he chokes. “And I hate that I miss it because I’ve missedyoumore. I hate myself for it, Lana, I can’t?—”
I shake my head, my heart breaking for him. My throat feels tight and my chest constricted. “Christian…”
“I know you and everyone told me that I had to do this for me, and I did. But Lana, I want this for us and it terrifies me when some days I wake up and I know it only takes one mistake to fuck this up.”
“You aren’t going to fuck this up, baby.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “You won’t.I trust you, I believe in you, Christian. I’m here and I’m going to hold your hand through it. And on a day that you feel like that, you stay next to me and I’ll help you through it. You can come to work with me, I’ll make you stock shelves all day. And if that doesn’t work, then I won’t ever leave your side.”
His smile is weak, and doesn't reach any other part of his face. “I’m scared.”
“I’m not,” I assure him. “So long as you’re honest with me, as long as you tell me when it’s a bad day, we’ll be okay.”
“Okay.”
I kiss his jaw. “Let’s make a thing.”
“A thing?”
“Yeah,” I say. “When it’s a bad day, you’ll put the jar on the island in the kitchen. You don’t have to say it, you don’t have to explain. It’s a quiet thing. If you want to have the bad day with yourself, that's okay, but at least I’ll know.”
