“Then talk,” I say, moving on to the literary fiction section down the aisle.
“I want you to listen to me when we talk,” he says. “When you aren’t angry so you can listen to what I have to say.”
“If I wasn’t listening to you then I wouldn’t know what you just said.”
I practically hear his eyes roll as he sighs. “Lana, please.”
“No, Christian.” I forget the restocking and face him. “You’re going to tell me you’re sorry for leaving, that you’vemissed me, that you’ve made mistakes, and whatever else you’re going to come up with.”
“Lana—”
“You know I can’t trust you,” I say quietly.
“I know that,” he whispers, his eyes dropping with shame. “And I don’t blame you.”
“I mean…look at you.” I set the books in my arms on the cart. “Who even are you anymore? I don’t know you and I didn’t know you back then either, because the Christian I knew and loved would have never left the way you did. Youdisappearedoff the planet.”
“I had to go to New York.”
“You didn’thaveto do anything,” I snap. “You left. You made promises, we made plans, and you left. Leave my store, Christian.”
“Lana—”
“Get out,” I breathe shakily, turning back to the shelves.
“Okay,” Christian sighs. “But I’m not leaving Willow Springs. Not yet. I’m going to keep trying. I’m not just going to give up.”
My lips are flattened together and my knees feel weak. Like I might just break right here, and I can’t do that.
“I…” He sighs. “Lana, you’re it for me, and I’m not leaving. So I will spend a lifetime begging you until you forgive me.”
I turn my head so he can’t see my profile, where tears are sliding down my cheek.
“I’ll see you later,” he whispers, and then he disappears again.
I’m in bed, staring at my ceiling the way I usually do at night. I draw things with my finger in the air to help me sleep sometimes. Occasionally, I accidentally trace his face on my ceiling like it’s a blank canvas waiting for a masterpiece to bestow itself upon it.
And, well, I can’t help myself because if I were a painter, and if I were to draw or paint him, he’d be my magnum opus. He’s beautifully gorgeous. And even though I’m angry and I hate him as much as I love him, he’s still everything good I found in the world.
At least before it got bad for him. Before the nights I had to save him and yell at him to save himself.
Breaking the spell and making my finger freeze, just as I’m sketching out his nose on my ceiling, my phone vibrates with a text.
Levi
Hey
Can I take you out next Friday? I know a great place in Spring Haven that I’d love to take you to
I sigh, try to force myself to be content about the date I’m about to say yes to. If I had not seen Christian last night, I would have texted a quick,yes,and been happy about it. It would have been a step forward toward “my five year plan.” But I should have known.
Lana
I’d like that
Levi
Can I pick you up at 7?
