“Hey, baby,” Lana says and squeezes my shoulder. “Can you actually stir the pasta for me?”
I watch them exchange a look of understanding and he dips his chin. “Let me know if you need anything.” Then he disappears.
Somehow, for some reason, that makes me cry harder.
“Nat,” Lana says gently, wiping my cheeks. “I think you should give her a call.”
“I will,” I croak and sniffle.
“Nat, have you…?”
I shake my head. “No. No, I haven’t—I swear.”
“Okay, that’s okay,” Lana coos. “We believe you.”
“I’m sorry we didn’t see it sooner, Natalia,” Isabelle croaks, her eyes rimmed with redness and tears. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too, Nat,” Lana rasps.
“I just feels like—like I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Does anyone?” Isabelle mutters. “I know it feels like that, and I understand it—it’s valid. But one day, it won’t. One day, you’re going to be so unbelievably happy and your heart will feel so full. And all of this, the complicated feelings and everything else, will sound so funny when you talk about it.”
“I wish one day was today.”
Lana wipes my cheek. “As much as life likes to fuck us, it loves to edge us even more.”
Laughter bubbles in my throat and I can’t hold it back. “You’re so weird.”
“It’s true.” Lana laughs, and Isabelle snickers. “And at least you’re laughing.”
The laughter simmers down and Isabelle scoots closer, wrapping her arms around me and Lana as best as she can. “We’re making a new pinky promise,” she says. “Wealwaysask for help when we need it.”
“Always,” Lana says as she holds up both of her pinkys. Isabelle holds up both of hers, hooking one of them with Lana’s.
I sit up, sniffling hard and clearing my throat, ridding myself of the slight burn that lingers. I hook a pinky with Lana’s and the other with Isabelle’s, and rasp, “Always.”
“Always,” Isabelle says. “See? This is a healthy adult friendship.”
Lana chuckles. “Ride or dies.”
And with these girls, I’ve learned what ride or die is. I’velearned what true, unconditional love is, and I wouldn’t have learned that without my best friends. I may not have had my epic love story where I’m devastatingly in love with the man of my dreams yet, but I have them. Even when I thought I had nothing, I had them.
I breathe and rest with my best friends.
“Do you guys wanna stay here tonight?” Lana asks.
I nod, and Isa says, “Yeah.”
“Okay,” Lana chirps and stands quickly, practically jumping off the enormous sofa. “I’ll be right back.”
Lana leaves me Isabelle’s arms, who brushes back my hair and keeps her arm firmly around me. The TV turns on and illuminates the darkening space of the living room and I twist to see Christian and Lana starting a fire. Lana drops blankets on the couch with pillows and a giant bag of Cheetos.
Christian kisses Lana once, softly, and whispers a few sweet nothings to her that have her grinning and turning red in the cheeks before he disappears again. And for a moment, I’m envious of the intimacy and whatever secrets they share. It’s something I want, something Icrave, but don’t think I’m capable of right now. And not with the person I want that with. And my god have I felt guilty for everything I’ve put him through, and not to mention embarrassed.
But tonight, I lie between my two best friends and we snuggle against each other,Beetlejuicestarting on the large television above the lit fire.
“We’ve got you,” Lana says, setting her head on my shoulder.
