“Take them.” I shove the tray against his chest and his hand moves to catch the cupcakes. “Please.”
“Thank you,” he mutters and holds the cupcakes, examining them through the clear plastic shielding them.
“Look, um…” I toss my curls to the side then shake out my hands. “Tonight, come to The Black Cat.” His mouth opens to speak but I cut him off. “Please. I’m going to teach you how to make these. Your favorite chocolate croissants, too. And everything you want to bake.”
“Natalia,” he breathes. “I only?—”
“I know you’re still upset with me but, Rowan…” I breathe shakily. “I know it’s unfair to ask anything of you, but please just come tonight.”
His eyes stare down at the dozen cupcakes in his hands—cupcakes I baked hoping we’d eat together and talk. I hoped he’d let me into his house and kiss me. Maybe he’d tell me it’s okay, it’sallgoing to be okay and that he’ll be by my side even when my head plays tricks on me. When my mind tells me that I hate everything and everything hates me. Maybe he’ll tell me he will be the only thing that will never hate me.
False hope, I suppose.
“What time?” Rowan rasps.
I hadn’t thought of that. “Um…” I take a quick glance at my phone, tapping the screen to check the time. “Nine. So in four hours.”
“Four hours?”
I nod. “After closing. I’ll clean everything, just meet me there.”
The breath he takes is deep and long, and it sounds like he might even hate me. And he could. And if he does, how do I go on? If Rowan Asher hates me, then I’ll hate myself even more.
His eyes stay locked with mine and I know he’s the only one who can see right through me. Out of everyone, Rowan sees rightthroughme.
It’s as terrifying as it is wonderful, but some days I can’t decide which one it feels like.
“Okay,” he breathes, his shoulders relaxing. His reaction allows me to relax too. “I’ll be there.”
“You’re angry,” I blurt, shifting on my feet.
“I’m not angry, Natalia,” Rowan whispers gently.
“Right, well…” I chuckle breathlessly—nervously. I don’t know what to do with myself, with my hands. I really just want to reach for him and touch him—find solace in the way his arms wrap around me and give me shelter. “Later tonight?”
The blue of his eyes soften and his lips tip upward. “Yes, sweetheart.”
My heart does a silly little flutter and I return the small smile.
I could never hate him, but he’ll eventually hate me.
CHAPTER 20
Rowan
With a sigh, I put my car in park just a few spots away from The Black Cat.
Natalia is easier to love than she thinks. I think the only thing that hurts me about loving her is how badly I wish I could keep her away from the ghosts and demons that linger in the darkest corners of her mind.
And even though I can’t see these ghosts and demons for myself, I know they’re there—waiting for the perfect opportunity to take her away from it all. From me. Perhaps it’s selfish to want her here, for myself, because I love her too much. But fuck, even if it meant the darkness would leave her on the only condition that I could never see her again, I’d take it. More than anything, I want her to love herself the way I love her. More than anything, I want her to know peace. Even if it isn’t with me.
So, I get out of the car.
She apologized profusely, and I saw the way it shook her. And when she said she didn’t cry to avoid the conversation, itmade me wonder how many people have thought her crying was a trick to get herself out of things? How many people truly believe that she would break down the way she did for attention?
I overwhelmed her, I know that. I fear I might have known it as I was doing it too, but didn’t pay much attention to that gut feeling. Natalia is strong. A little warrior. But even the strongest soldiers crumble sometimes, and that’s okay. She just needs a safe place to crumble and she’ll always have that space with me.Always.
The front door of The Black Cat is locked when I try to pull it open, so I knock thrice. From behind the counter, the prettiest girl pops up, her eyes round and wide but calm when they land on me. Then there’s the tiniest smile on her lips—my favorite lips—and she rounds the counter, coming for the door.
