CHAPTER 17
Natalia
There’s a knock on my door that ruins my perfect night with Binx andThe Addam’s Familywhile wearing nothing but an oversized crewneck, oversized sweatpants, and fuzzy socks.
I left Lana and Christian’s almost an hour ago, feeling too drained to socialize in any capacity. Sometimes it’s too much, and recently, I’ve gone missing when it comes to my friends—leaving early or cancelling plans because I don’t have energy to doanything.
Which is why I groan loudly, telling whoever is on the other side of the door that I hate them for disturbing my wallowing. I drag my feet across the floor and unlock the door once I reach it.
The person on the other side…I can’t say I didn’t expect it. And I can’t say I’m upset about it either. I blink up at the handsome blond, still dressed in this evening’s Friendsgiving attire.
“You’re here,” Rowan breathes heavily, his face reddened by exertion. “You’re okay.”
“I am,” I say. “Rowan?—”
“I just…” He pants, almost wheezing, his lungs evidently working hard to keep up with him. “I need…”
“Rowan, breathe.” I take a step and put my hand to his cheek, pressing my palm into his skin. I never thoughtIwould be the one talking him through a panic attack. “Rowan.Breathe.”
Rowan nods, his blue eyes flitting to mine. “You’re okay,” he pants again and swallows, his breathing starting to slow. Then I’m swooped up in his arms, my feet off the ground, and his face buried in my neck. “You’re…”
“Rowan,” I breathe, and hold him close.
There’s grief pouring out of him, so dark and agonizing—looking at him is breaking me. If I pay close enough attention, I can feel the hammering of his heart against my chest.
“Rowan?” I whisper, my nails gently scratching his head. “I’m okay. Are you?”
My mistake was thinking that he’d loosen his suffocating arms just a smidge after hearing my reassurance, but instead, he steals all the oxygen from my body and I almost feel okay with it. This embrace he has me in is almost enough to feel…okay.
“Rowan?”
Slowly, hesitantly, his arms unfold from around my body and my toes touch the ground. Just because he sets me down though, doesn’t mean he lets me go. His hands remain on my hips and I slide my hands down from his hair, over his shoulders, and down his large, muscular arms until I’m holding onto his forearms. He didn’t even bother to put on his coat.
“Natalia,” he breathes.
“W-What are you doing here?” I blink rapidly, stammering. “How did you even get in?”
“Someone left as I came in and I ran up the stairs,” he says, his voice steadier yet still shaky. “You’re okay.”
“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” I ask quietly and carefully.
“I just…” He shakes his head like he can’t fathom the thought he just had. “Why did you leave, Natalia?”
“I had a migraine,” I lie and drop my hands, taking a step further into the apartment. Quietly, I try to quip with a smile, “And now, you’re giving me another one.”
He doesn’t laugh; I don’t think he even heard me.
Rowan takes one large step inside, forcing me to take four small steps back, and he closes the apartment door behind him. “Natalia, why did you leave like that?”
“I already told you, I wasn’t feeling well,” I insist.
“Natalia…please.” His nostrils flare enough for me to know he won’t accept any more of my lies. They flare enough to tell me that he’s tired and hurt.
My breath comes out heavily as I stare up at him, tugging at the sleeves of my sweater. I shake my head for some reason and rock on my heels. “I…”
His eyes…
They’re red and shattered.Heis shattered and he won’t say why, and I don’t know what else to do—what to say. My communication skills remain abysmal.
