I nod.
Natalia is a force. She’s armored to her teeth and is a fighter. I’ve witnessed how much stronger she’s grown these past years, unwilling to let anyone or anything fuck with her peace—including me. Even though I’m trying to be part of that peace, desperate to bring her some of it.
“You can talk to me, you know,” I tell her.
“Why would I do that?” Natalia crosses her arms and I don’t miss the way her smooth, raspy voice trembles just slightly.
“I don’t know,” I whisper, my hand on the roof of her car curling into a fist so I don’t reach to hold her. “Because you need someone to listen?”
“I have my friends.”
“I’myour friend too.”
How long until pining after the same girl becomes unhealthy? When do you stop trying to get her to notice you the way you’ve always noticed her?
Natalia’s lips part, those eyes somewhere between neutral and tempestuous. Her gaze stays locked into place with mine. “I’m going home.”
She easily knocks my arm away and, defeated, I take a step back to allow her room to enter her car. Before she slams her door, I intervene to say, “Let me know when you get home. Please.”
Natalia looks up at me through her lashes, a softer gaze and a softer tone as she says, “Fine.”
“Goodnight, Natalia.”
I take a step back and the door closes. Three seconds later, her car is driving down the road and she’s disappearing into the dark. Standing alone in the middle of the street, I contemplate my options. I could go inside, talk and debrief with Christian while I help him finish cleaning so I don’t think about her—so I don’t imagine fake scenarios where I kissed her instead of letting her drive away. Or I could go home and question my life choices—overthink everything I’ve ever done.
I choose the latter and get in my car, knowing damn well neither Christian or Lana are cleaning right now. Driving in silence but with chaos in my head, I manage to catch up to Natalia at a stoplight. With the way Natalia left, that sadness in her eyes after saying goodbye to our friends, I know she won’t text me to tell me if she’s gotten home.
The light turns green and when she turns left, I do too. I follow behind her black Chevy Trax for the next five minutes, even though Willow Springs is one of the safest towns. I idle by as she parallel parks across the street from her apartment building. She locks her car with abeepas she crosses the street and, before she opens the door of her building, turns to face my car.
Natalia stares right at me through my lightly-tinted windows and pulls out her phone. Mine buzzes in the cupholders, and I grin like a fool when I read her text.
Natalia
You can go home now
When I look up, she’s gone, but I keep holding on to thedangerous hope that one day she’ll be mine. The same, dangerous hope I’ve had since we were teenagers.
I first saw Natalia when I was sixteen, and I fell in love instantly—her seventeen freckles, her short curls that she now wears long, the hazel green eyes, and her soft raspy voice. I was sixteen and I’ve been on my knees for her ever since.
Before I drive off, I text her back.
Rowan
Are you sure?
Natalia
Binx says you’re disturbing her peace
Rowan
But I’m asking about yours
Natalia
My peace is just fine
Go home
