“I’m going everywhere with you,” he says. “Is everything else okay with your dads?”
I nod.
“So they don’t know that this started out?—”
I shake my head. “No. But I like the way this started. Don’t you?”
Rowan’s smile is small but boyish and blissfully beautiful. “I do,” he says. “Did you tell them about therapy?”
I shake my head. “No, not today. But they said they’ll be back soon so maybe then. Maybe, it wouldn’t hurt if we had a family session again.”
“If that is what you feel you need and will help, then you should,” Rowan says. “I only want what’s going to make you happy, sweetheart. Your happiness is my happiness.”
I swallow. “And your happiness is mine too.”
Rowan takes my hand in his and kisses my palm. Then his lips brush down until they are touching my wrist, moving over my scars as he presses his lips against the skin.
“Natalia…”
“I’m sorry I was so terrible at letting you in,” I blurt and sniffle hard. “It’s been so long since I had to let anyone in that I truly forgot to. I’m only used to the girls knowing everything about me, but then you… You somehow know me better than everyone.”
“You know me better too, sweetheart,” he says, inching forward. “You know me in ways that even after I’m dead, would bring me back to life.”
“Hmm.” I smile against his lips. “From memory.”
“From memory,” he murmurs. “Natalia…”
“Yes?”
“Tell me you’re mine, Natalia,” he croaks, his thumb tracing my jaw. “Tell me, please, sweetheart. Because I’ve been yours for as long as I can remember.”
I love you.
“So now, it’s your turn,” Rowan husks. “Tell me.”
I love you.
“Rowan…”
“I’m here,” he reassures. “I’m here.”
“You know why I’ve hated you, Rowan?” I whisper. “Because you were there.” My voice cracks and my visions clouds at the corners. “Because you were the last person to see me like that and I hated that you did. I hated that you treated me so nicely and moved on. You acted like it never happened but we both know it did, and I hate it. I hated you and I hatedme. I hated that I’ve had a stupid little girl crush on you since Iwas fifteen, and I hate that…I just hated that. You couldn’t just let me hate you?”
“No,” he nearly growls, his hand around my thigh and fingers burrowing into the skin.
“Why not?”
“Because I love you,” he says, his hand smoothing up and down my thigh. “And I want you to love me back.”
“Rowan—”
“I hear everything you don’t say, remember?” He inches closer. “I want you to love me back, but I know you already do. You do this thing, you have a certain blink when you’re around me—like fluttery and soft. The way your eyes are just calmer and the line between your eyebrows is gone. In the mornings, when you aren’t at the bakery, somehow my order is always already ready and waiting for me.”
I exhale shakily.
He continues. “The way you hold me and touch me. The way you look at me. The way you say my name and the way you whisper it in the dark when you think I’m not listening. The way you make love to me is the same way I make love to you.” He comes over me with his hand cupping my cheek, the motion urging me slowly onto my back. “You kiss me, sweetheart, and I can hear the words. Ifeelthem.”
His hand moves from my cheek to cup my jaw, his thumb tracing my lips while his eyes do the same. Gingerly, he twists his body and takes mine with him, my legs falling open to accommodate him as his body lowers between them.
