“Because I’m scared,” she croaks. “You know this.”
I shake my head. “I’m not accepting that answer anymore.”
“I like being alone. I know who I am alone, I think, even if I’m lonely and sad about it. The last time I was in a relationship, I was changing everything about myself—straightening my hair too much, wearing makeup, wearing clothes that didn’t… I like who I am, even if it isn’t all the time. I like my curly hair and not wearing makeup and having all of these earrings.”
“I wouldneverask you to change any of that.”
“Rowan—”
“Do you know why?”
Silence.
“BecauseI love you, Natalia.I’m in love with you,” I confess, placing my heart in her chest for her to keep safe. “As you are. I’m not going to pick and choose which parts I do or don’t love because that isn’t how it works. I love you as a whole, not in parts.”
“I…”
“I’m willing to wait for you. I’mgoing towait for you,” I whisper. “Until you’re ready. Until you feel lovable and until you love yourself the way I love you.”
“What if… What if I don’t get there?”
“You will,” I promise. “You have me. You have all of us. And we’ll take this slow—that’s what we need. When you feel ready and okay, then I’ll be here.”
“Promise me that we’ll take this slow,” she whispers. “I don’t know how long I’ll take, but I want this—I do. ”
“I know you do,” I say. Three silly words don’t need to be said for me to feel like the luckiest man in the world. It’s enough just to have her in my arms, knowing I get to love her. “We’ll take it slow.”
Natalia nods, fidgeting with her lip between her teeth. “I can’t apologize enough, you know? I’m insecure. What if, maybe, you think you love me because we’ve been?—”
“I loved you long before I even kissed you, sweetheart. I didn’t have to fuck you to know that.”
“I like how you love me,” she breathes and I kiss her.
I kiss her and kiss her and kiss her and pour all the love I have inside of me into her, hoping it settles inside of her. Hoping it makes itself at home within her and shows her I’m not going anywhere.
“Rowan,” Natalia breathes and I hear what I need to hear.
I lift her, wrap her legs around me, and walk toward her bedroom so I can worship her. I set her down and struggle with pacing myself as I kiss and touch every inch of her skin.
There is no one like her—never will be. I’ll hand her my heart, put it in her pocket, and let her keep it there as a reminder.
CHAPTER 34
Natalia
Rowan barrels right through the apartment until we’re in my room and on my bed.
I’m heaving with desperation, aching with hunger, as I’m tearing at his clothes.
He’s struggling to pace himself, and I am too. This isn’t us. We don’t take our time to strip each other of the clothes for sweet slow kisses that say more than words ever could. It’s always rough and fast, without much thought. It always war—clashing of tongues and teeth—but this has so much thought. And all of my thoughts are of him and the words I want to say, words I wish existed to explain what I feel.
I take the kisses to ease my hunger and slow us down. I let myself feel him, his warm skin under mine, burning through my fingerprints with his passion.
I’ll never be able to contain all of this around him again. I’ll never be able to hold myself back from him ever again and it’s okay. He can keep every piece of me because I would rather they belong to him than to anyone else.
And he…
He handed me the key to get into his ribcage a while ago, and I didn’t know what to do with it. Now, I let myself in to him, opening his ribcage and making myself comfortable in his heart the way he’s done to me.
