“It’s true.
“He doesn’t love me like that.”
“Nonsense. You’re both just dancing around the topic instead of addressing it head-on.”
“There’s no point. Even if he does feel what I do—which is unlikely—it wouldn’t work. Long distance would get old fast for a man like Dice.”
“You mean because of his sexual appetite?”
“Jeez, Mom! Do you have to be so blunt?”
“That’s rich coming from you.” She grins, then turns serious. “I’ve always thought Dice’s playboy lifestyle comes from fear. Sameas you. Scared to risk your hearts. But if you both let that fear go… I think you could have something truly wonderful.”
Queenie nuzzles under my chin with a soft meow, all in her feelings too.
“You’ve been orbiting each other since you were kids,” Mom continues. “Dice was always trying to impress you, always looking out for you. I knew he loved you then. And you loved him too. The way you took on your dad like a fierce little warrior. The way you defend him still. So many great love stories are built on strong friendships. You just have to give yourselves a chance to see what it could be.”
“If it fails, we could lose everything.”
“That’s the glass-half-empty way to see it. Flip that. What if it works? Then you gain everything. A best friend and a partner.”
I run my fingers through Queenie’s fur, my mind spinning thoughts like a game of Russian roulette. “It’s too complicated.”
“Love always is. It just means you have to decide whether you’re going to give yourself an excuse not to go for it, or a reason to try.”
Tears prick behind my eyes, but I blink them away. “I didn’t expect to fall this hard again,” I admit in a whisper. “I thought it was just unfinished business. Lust. Nostalgia. But he’s… he’s part of my wiring. And I don’t know how to leave without breaking something inside me. But if I tell him that I love him, that I want to try, and he doesn’t feel the same, that’ll break me too.”
“It’ll hurt, but you’re too sturdy to break.” Mom brushes my locs behind my ear and cups my cheek like she used to when I was little. “You can take the safer route and leave Queenie and Dice if that’s what you choose. But don’t lie to yourself about what you’re leaving behind.”
My chest cinches like I’ve been laced into a corset three sizes too small.
“Let’s leave that to simmer,” Mom suggests.
She pours each of us a glass of iced tea, then slides a plate ofapple-cinnamon scones between us at the table. I take a bite and nearly choke but manage to get out an appreciative, “Mmm.”
Mom takes a bite too… and grimaces. “Thank you for sparing my feelings, but these are god-awful.”
“The worst,” I agree, and the humor of it gives me space to breathe as we both dissolve into laughter.
Back at Rayne’s, after stopping by the shelter and calling the airline, I dump a load of clothes in the washer and reach for my phone to text Dice. It’s dead. Of course. I can’t even remember to keep it charged. I’d gotten used to him doing it for me. And now I’m supposed to look after a cat.
I shove the charger in and wait a few minutes. When the screen lights up, I type:
Queenie didn’t work out with my mom. Just signed adoption papers. The menace is officially becoming a New Yorker.
She knows what she’s doing. Gotta respect the queen for going after what she wants.
No lie. Queenie doesn’t let anything hold her back. Not like me.
I just didn’t want to burden Mom with it.
Yeah… you stick with that story.
You heading out to work?
Yep.
Maurice is already there.
