C tilts his head. “Big questions. But if you’re in love with her…”
“Never said that.”
“So you’re not?”
“I don’t know what that looks like.”
“I think it’s different for everybody. How do you feel about Lot?”
I scratch my beard, trying to put it into words, and just let it spill out. “I’m all wrapped up in her. Like she’s the only woman that exists. Like I want to take care of her, please her, protect her. Like I’d do anything for her. But does that mean I’m in love? Or is it just the intensity of the last few weeks? We have a long history. We have this… this easy, natural rhythm. Not just the physical. Though… damn! It’s more than that. Still, I don’t know what the hell I’m feeling.”
C chuckles with a gleam in his eye. “I gotta tell you, bro, that sounds a hell of a lot like being in love.”
That’s what I was afraid of. “Even if it is, what am I supposed to do with it? A relationship would be tough enough for two people who’ve never had anything serious before. But long distance?”
“You start where you’re at. Then figure it out together. Like Lex and I did.”
“I’m not you, C. What if I can’t be what she needs for the long haul?” I ask, my heart in my throat. “What if she agrees to take a chance on me and I fuck it all up?”
“What if you don’t?” he counters in that calm way he has. “What if it turns out to be everything you both need? Love and relationships are risks. No guarantees. But if you’re willing to be honest, do the work, and protect each other’s hearts, then you got a good shot.”
He meets my eyes. “You gotta ask yourself one question. Are you willing to do those things? If you’re not, let her go. But if you are… Don’t let Lot walk away without telling her.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Lot
This man…
The house smells like apples and cinnamon. Maurice has gone to Docks, wasting no time getting back to it.
I’m sitting at the kitchen table with Queenie staked out on my lap.
“Girl, you need to stop,” I mutter, stroking her head like that’ll soothe her drama. Those diva claws nearly shredded my sweater when I got here. She launched herself into my arms like I’d been gone for years instead of overnight, clingy as hell, going full-on banshee mode the second I even try to put her down. Now, she’s pressed to my chest, vibrating with purrs, gripping my top like she’s afraid I’ll vanish again.
“It’s sweet,” Mom says, pulling the scones from the oven. “She really adores you, honey. She paced the hallway all night, howling. She got so upset, she tore up your father’s slippers andmy fiscus.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I know she can be high-strung, but you two were getting along so well. I thought this might work.”
“She was fine at first. Playful when she felt like it, disappearing when she had enough of being social. But as the hours passed, it was as if she realized this might not be temporary. Then she became inconsolable. Didn’t even care about her treats.”
“You’re impossible,” I scold, glancing down at her, looking all cute, nothing like the hellcat Mom just described. “What am I going to do with her? I’m leaving in the morning.”
“She can stay, if that’s what you really want. Maybe she’ll settle after a few days. Or…” Mom looks at the two of us. “You could take her with you.”
“I don’t want a cat,” I insist for the umpteenth time. “I don’t do well with that kind of responsibility. Remember you gave me a cactus because it required minimal care and it barely lasted a month?”
“You overwatered it. That just means you were extra attentive, not neglectful.”
“It still died.”
Mom just smiles. “You’ve done a great job with Queenie.”
“Dice takes care of her more than I do.”
“Well, she loves you, honey, and I think you love her back. You’re just scared. The same applies to Dice.”
I knew that was coming. “Ma, don’t start.”
