“You can’t fix this, Mick,” she whispers, sounding defeated.
“Dee—”
“Unless it concerns Dwayde, there’s nothing more for us to discuss.”
The phone disconnects. I run a hand over my hair, my emotions spinning, my frustration raw.
“Wouldn’t have thought begging was your style.”
Fuck. Just what I need.Turning, I regard Victor entering the room. His brow is drawn down in a censorious scowl. I tuck the phone back into my pocket and step away from the glass. “Wouldn’t have thought eavesdropping was yours.”
“It is when it concerns my son. He’s the priority.”
I’m already on edge and his insinuation pisses me off. “Just like you, I’ve been here for the past two evenings. Trying to get Dwayde to open up, giving him reassurance, playing a marathon of video games. So you tell me, Victor, how am I not putting Dwayde first?”
“I’d think that was obvious. You lied about going to see Dee on Saturday night the same way you lied about hiring her. You say it’s for Dwayde, but it’s really about fucking his lawyer.”
Bright red anger flashes before my eyes, and my fist nearly shoots out to connect with Victor’s prominent chin. But I think about how much I hate being like my old man, and of thirty years of friendship. Breaking Victor’s face isn’t going to make me feel better. I unclench my hands. But I don’t trust myself to step any closer.
“Don’t ever,” I grit through my teeth, “talk about Dee like she’s a piece of tail.”
“Then stop lying to me about her,” he hisses back.
“I haven’t lied to you about anything. I did hire Dee because I believe she’s the best lawyer for Dwayde, and I went to her place on Saturday because I wanted to talk to her about the case. Whatever else happened between us is separate from Dwayde.”
Crossing his arms across his chest, he gives me a hard ebony stare. “Whatever’s happening sounds like the same old story, with Dee running and you chasing. Haven’t you figured out by now that Dee doesn’t want to get caught?”
Words that hit this close to home power my defenses. “Let it go, Victor. I’m not going to discuss Dee with you.”
“No, you never would. She was your little secret, and we see how well that turned out.”
“Jesus!” I pace away. “You just can’t stop throwing it in my face that Dee left me. I don’t need your reminders or your judgment when you’re not handling your own shit.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Dee is your son’s attorney and the foster sister you once cared about. How long are you going to pretend she doesn’t exist?”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
I stop to look over at Victor. His expression now appears more plagued than angry. “You didn’t go to the meeting with Isabelle. You haven’t made any attempt to contact Dee about the case. You’re as much in avoidance as she is.”
The tension line between his eyebrows pulses before he admits, “I think if I see her, I’ll wring her neck for what she put you and our family through.”
How can I not understand that? It’s exactly where I was only days ago. “What Dee did was wrong, Victor. I’ve spent fifteen years trying to hate her for it. But just like Dwayde is hiding something from his past, so is she. I told her about Papa T’s death and it crushed her. She misses Mama T. She wants to call but she’s afraid. Dee’s not heartless. As much as I wanted to believe that…needed to believe it…she’s not.”
“You’re deluding yourself. You want to find something redeeming in her to justify your feelings. But the bottom line is, she bailed. Just took off and left you busted up. How can you forgive that?”
Until I saw Dee nearly fall to pieces, I wouldn’t have thought it was possible either. “In the past couple of days, I’ve done some soul searching. Dee screwed up but so did I. Something was weighing heavily on her the night I confronted her outside the library. She wasn’t acting the way she normally did with me. She was withdrawn and jumpy. And instead of me trying to understand what was really going on when she said she needed time to figure stuff out, I got pissed off and walked away. I just left her there in the rain, adding another rejection to a long line of them. I can spend the next fifteen years being angry, or I can try to find out what made her run in the first place.”
“And then what?” he scoffs. “Live happily ever after?”
His question is both snide and rhetorical. And yet Victor deserves an honest response. For the months that I kept Dee a secret from him and made him an accomplice in my lies, I need to step up to the truth this time. “Yeah, as crazy as that sounds to you, that’s what I’m banking on. I’m in love with her, Victor. I always have been. And I think beneath whatever’s going on with Dee, she still has feelings for me, too.”
Victor lowers his gaze, worrying the fringe of the area rug with the toe of his sock. The burden of the past surrounds us. “It was rough, man,” he says, his voice thick. “I don’t ever want to see you hurt like that again.”
Helplessness is a feeling I know well, and I’m a dumbass for not realizing what it must have been like for him to watch me drink myself sick. Rough, I’m sure is an understatement. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
He shrugs awkwardly. “I don’t say it often, ’cause we’re men and shit, but I love you. Sorry for what I said about you not putting Dwayde first. You’re always there for him. For all of us.”
