“Oh my God,” she whispers, her breath fanning the road map of bruises, old and new. “How did you get these? And tell me the truth this time.”
The truth.I sober at the thought. I haven’t told this to anyone. My mother took the secret to her grave. And I promised myself I’d bury my shame the same way. But it was Dee who pulled me out of the darkness after my father’s beating. And I think that maybe if I tell her it will unlock the shackles around my soul and free me in a way I’ve never imagined possible.
I move the ice pack out of the way and look into her eyes. They well with tears. She already knows the ending. She’s just waiting for the story. But tears freak me out. They remind me of my mother’s and make me feel helpless. “I can’t talk about this if you cry.”
“Okay.” She sniffles and knuckles the wetness away. “I can handle it.”
I don’t know ifIcan, but I’m going to try. “Today he came home at lunchtime drunk,” I say because I haven’t hidden my old man’s drinking from her or the Torreses. “I was writing my submission for NYU and he caught me. You know how he feels about my writing.”
“I’m so sorry,” she consoles me, her voice a soft caress. “How long has it been going on?”
I close my eyes for a moment, as the answer threatens to suffocate me. “For as long as I can remember. He hated that I was born. My mom was just another pretty girl he was set to toss away, but she was in love with him. Why, I could never understand, but she was. After she died, I read her journals. When she told him about her pregnancy, he told her to get rid of it…of me. He had North Carolina State and wasn’t going to be saddled with a wife and kid. My mom refused to have an abortion. She thought once I was born he would come to love us. That night she told him, he got stinking drunk and drove his motorcycle too fast around a bend. It jackknifed. He broke a few bones, but the worst of it was a busted tibia. Finding out he’d never play competitive basketball again because he’d fucked up his shinbone was like a death sentence to him.”
“And now he thinks you owe him NC State and the NBA?” she concludes.
“Something like that. But he knows basketball doesn’t drive me. My writing does, the way it drove my mother, and that pisses him off. Seeing the NYU application made him go apeshit. But this is the first time he’s ever hit me in the face or this hard.”
“Who knows?”
“No one. Well…now you.”
“What about Victor?”
I shake my head.
“Why not?”
“Because he’d tell Mama and Papa T.”
“They should know, Mick.”
“No!” I say loudly, hoping I haven’t made the biggest mistake of my life. “They can’t ever know.”
“You have to let them help you,” she argues, sitting up, her eyes filling with tears again. “He can’t get away with this anymore.” There’s anger in her voice now.
“Yes he can. He’s the fucking sheriff. I’ll get into NYU, I know I will.” That’s not conceit. I got my talent for writing from my mother, and she could have gone far if it weren’t for my old man. I’m not going to let that happen to me. “The summer session starts in July. I can survive another six months.”
“What if you can’t?” she protests. “You said that it’s never been this bad.”
“I’ll act like I’m taking the scholarship to North Carolina.” I don’t care if it’s cowardly. I’d do anything to wipe the fear off her face.
“He hit you before he knew you were applying to NYU. Your father can find any excuse or none at all. We are going to tell Mama and Papa T as soon as they get home, and they will help you report this to someone over his head.”
I honest to God want to hug her for caring so damn much. But I have to get Dee off this track. I take a deep breath because what I’m about to say is the hardest for me to admit.
“My mother tried to help me. And she got caught in the crossfire many times because I did a lousy job of protecting her.”
“You can’t blame yourself for that.” Those big, teary eyes are seriously going to do me in. “You were just a little boy. It washerjob to protectyou.”
“But I’m not a little boy anymore. And I’m not going to make this Mama and Papa T’s problem. My old man has the power in this town. If they try to go up against him, he’ll crush them. No one will believe us, and their reputations will be ruined. Mama T could lose her job at the hospital. People might stop taking their cars to Papa T’s shop. I can’t chance doing that to them. Not after everything they’ve done for me.”
“I understand how much you want to protect them. I do. But who’s going to protectyou?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“You won’t be.” Her breathing is rapid, her voice desperate. “It’s not safe. You can’t stay there. Move in with us. Please.”
“I can’t do that. It would raise too many questions. But I’ll stay out of his way, I promise. I’ll do all my writing over here.”
