“Over the years, I tried to end that friendship many times. In my heart, I knew the dependency was the reason I was miserable. But she had such a hold on me that letting her go seemed impossible. Then I hit rock bottom two years ago.” She pauses for a strengthening breath, still not making eye contact, either blocking her emotions from me or maybe afraid to see mine.
“I got so sick I had to be hospitalized for severe dehydration. This was before I started my practice. Collapsing at work in front of my colleagues and being hooked up to IVs was my catalyst. I realized that I was slowly but surely killing myself. If not literally, then figuratively. The self-loathing and the self-destruction were killing my spirit. I was this shell of a woman who could function on the surface and build a career, but I had no life. My every waking moment was spent thinking about eating or not eating. And I avoided the mirror because I hated what I saw there.”
Now I understand the sparse amount of food in her house. And what it must have cost Dee to let me strip her down in the sunlight.
“I was released from the hospital after a few days. I feared that if I didn’t get help, I’d go back to thatfriendshipbecause it was the only thing I knew. I’d tried therapy before and despised getting into all my childhood crap. But I was referred to a behaviorist, Dr. Roland. She’s been my savior. We started out with weekly sessions. Now I see her once a month. We don’t talk about my past as much as we talk about what triggers me to overeat, so that I can find better ways to cope with my stress. The goal is to stop operating at extremes. It’s gotten much better, but I still struggle with the balance. I hadn’t gone on a full-out binge in twenty-one months until last Saturday night.”
My mind travels back a week, and my chest coils with guilt. “After I told you about Cayo’s death?”
“That’s not your fault, Mick,” she rushes to assure me. “I have to learn how to deal with the disappointments and stressors and anything life throws my way in more constructive ways. I’m still learning.”
“Look at me, Dee,” I say, wanting her to know that everything would be okay…that we’d fight our demons together—that, having battled my own addiction, I understood hers.
She finally slides her gaze over to mine. Her face falls. “I thought it would be gone.”
“What?”
“The heat in your eyes. It’s not there anymore.”
“Jesus, Dee,” I say, thrown by her accusation. “You’ve just told me another hell you’ve been through.”
“And you told me nothing would change.” She drops her hold on the pillow and unfolds her legs. “I don’t want your pity, Mick, or for you to be with me because you think I’m broken and need to be fixed.”
“I want to take care of you. Not because you’re broken, but because I love you.”
“That’s not enough.”
“Then what the hell is?” I ask, raising my voice in frustration.
“I need your love, Mick, but I also need your desire. It’s that powerful combination that breaks down my fears and insecurities. After what I’ve told you, I need to know you still want me with the same passion, with the same vital force that pushes you past your limits. That makes you take me as if you might die if you didn’t. I need to see that heat now. To know what I do to you.”
I shove down my underwear. My cock springs to attention. “This is what you do to me. Always.”
In an instant, Dee pounces. A surprisedoomphleaves my chest as she pushes me back onto the bed. Her towel comes undone, and pressed flesh-to-flesh, her mouth treats mine to kisses the stuff of wet dreams.
“Does this mean you’re not mad anymore?” I groan against her lips.
“I wasn’t mad.” She slides her hands down my upper body. “I was feeling vulnerable.”
“This is vulnerable?”
“No, this is me on fire.” Her fingers trace the line of hair below my navel as she kneels between my legs.
I sit up to watch Dee kiss my lower abs and wrap her hand around my cock. Her eyes smolder with female pride. “You feel hard and huge.”
I drink in air like a drowning man. “Never doubt the power of your impact on me.”
She leans forward and her hair falls across my thighs, blocking my view. I gather the curls in a fisted ponytail, and my eyes follow the tip of her pink tongue swirling around my swollen head, licking the underside and sliding down to the root.
I rally to hold on to my control and endure the sweet torment. But that doesn’t last long. The beast of lust claws inside me with sharp, raking talons. “Dee,” I growl, “suck me!”
She takes me between her lips and moves her warm, wet mouth down my throbbing length. She draws on me. Slowly at first and then increasing the pressure with a hard, fast suction.
“Yes…just like that.”
Dee closes her eyes and murmurs soft hums of pleasure when she’s the one pleasing me. Knowing she enjoys going down on me turns me on even more. My control hanging by a thread, my fingers knot tighter around her curls, not enough to hurt, but enough to let her know she’s blowing my fucking mind. From this angle, I have a tantalizing view of her tight cocoa-brown nipples and her breasts jiggling as her enthralling mouth works me up and down.
I try not to push her to take more than she can handle. But my will is quickly slipping and the deeper she takes me, the more I want. When I feel my head graze the back of her throat and she cups my balls, rolling them gently, it’s enough to launch me into orgasmic orbit.
