“So because I’m a woman, I can’t just want sex without all the emotional trappings?”
“Notcan’t, but in my experience, most womendo. Whether that’s social conditioning or whatever, they tend to want more. Why don’t you?”
“Is that what you’re afraid of?” she asks perceptively. “That I’ll want more from you.”
“Yes.”
“Nothing wrong with your ego.”
“It’s not an ego thing at all. It’s a matter of being on the same page.”
“Which is what?”
“No plans beyond one night. No expectations. No emotional ties. No commitment. I can’t offer more.”
“That works for me.”
“But why?” I need to understand. I need to be sure. “Why do you want that?”
“Because I’m career-driven and independent,” she answers with ease. “My life is great the way it is. I’m happy and fulfilled. I’m not afraid of commitment, nor am I jaded about long-term relationships or marriage. I have many positive examples around me—my parents, my brother, Dee and Mick. I’ve been hurt and rejected before, but that didn’t break my heart. It just made me stronger, more resilient. I’m not hanging onto any baggage. Sure, sometimes I’m around a happy couple and think,I want that. But then I realize that it’s just a fleeting feeling. I like living alone, doing as I please, and not being accountable to anybody but me.”
I study her and sense only straightforward honesty. But...it sounds too good to be true.
Why are you looking at me that way?” she asks.
“Which way?”
“Conflicted.”
“I am conflicted,” I admit, torn between wanting this night with her and guilt that I don’t deserve it. “I haven’t been with a woman in over four years.”
Her mouth drops open in shock. “For real?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
I could give her a list of reasons, from self-loathing to fear, but that’s my private hell. “I don’t want a relationship, and casual sex can get messy. I found it easier to avoid sex altogether.”
“Most people wouldn’t find it easy to give up sex for a whopping four years.”
“I didn’t say easy. I said easier than the alternative.”
“Is that what happened, Jasper? A messy involvement turned you off from women.”
“I’m not turned off from women.” I pick up my beer again and look across at her. “But it’s a part of my past that I won’t discuss.”
“Fair enough. I won’t pry into your secrets, but I do have a question for you.”
“What’s that?”
“Why me?”
Because I’ve asked myself the very same thing, I give her this unmitigated truth. “You’re the only woman in all this time that makes me not want to say no.”
When a pleased smile spreads across her face, I temper it. “Just one night, Jordyn. That’s all.”
“Then we better make the most of it.”
