“Not a breakup or a break,” he reassured her. “I just meant a few nights alone at your cabin so you can think in peace.”
“I don’t want space.” She tripped over her words, the fear of losing him worse than the fear of losing her own life.
“But maybe we need it.” He shrugged; his shoulders filled with defeat. “It might help you figure out what future you want.”
“I want you.” It was her turn to cup his jaw.
“I know. I never doubted that.” He gripped her wrists as if to cement her forever to his face. “It’s just that if you want kids, I can’t be the man who tells you no. I won’t be the man you resent because you gave up your dreams and your identity to fit inside my life.”
“I hate you,” she whispered with tears coating her lips. “Why can’t you be like other men? Men who aren’t mature enough for these conversations? Men who ignore these topics and leave me be?”
“Because those men inflict damage on women, and if you’re going to leave me, you deserve to know what love feels like so you accept nothing less in the future.”
“Don’t talk about loving other men.”
“Trust me, I don’t want to.” He pulled her against his chest, and she buried her tears in his shirt.
“I can’t answer you tonight,” she sobbed. “I’m too tired. I’m too… everything. Can we just go to bed? Together?”
“Yeah.” Eamon released her to unlock the front door, but before she could cross the threshold, he scooped her into his arms and carried her to bed.
Bel staredat the ceiling since she’d forbidden herself from checking the clock… again. She couldn’t sleep, an affliction that didn’t plague her dog or her boyfriend, so she lay motionless and frustrated below the luxury sheets.
“This is useless.” She sat up and glared at Eamon’s peaceful form, and, annoyed that he could sleep so well after such a day, she slipped out of bed before she woke him to suffer the insomnia with her. Her escape went undetected until she reached the bedroom door, and then the ever-faithful click of nails chased after her to her library.
“What’s wrong?” Briar’s voice exploded through the cell’s connection on the fourth ring, and Bel cringed as she and Cerberus settled onto the window reading nook. She’d stopped checking the time, but it didn’t take red numbers to tell her it was late.
“I’m fine,” Bel said. “I’m sorry. I had a rough day and can’t sleep. Everything is swirling in my brain, and you’re the only person who might help me make sense of it.”
“Okay.” The slumber returned to her sister’s voice. “Way to give me a panic attack.”
“Sorry…” Bel checked the time on her phone and grimaced. She shouldn’t have called. “I’ll let you go back to sleep and call you in the morning.”
“I’m up now,” Briar said. “What’s going on?”
“Would you have married Flynn if he hadn’t wanted kids?”
“That’s what you woke me up to ask?”
Bel could practically feel her sister’s glare through the phone.
“This isn’t about me, is it?” Briar caught on. “Eamon doesn’t want kids?”
“No, and it’s a hard no. He isn’t open to adopting either.”
“Gotcha,” Briar said. “Can’t say that surprises me. He’s great with our kids and your dog, but I don’t see a father when I look at him.”
“I guess I should’ve seen that coming,” Bel said, “but this changes my future. If I stay with him—which I want to, because I love him—it means I’ll never have kids. So, what would you have done if Flynn hadn’t wanted children?”
“It’s hard to imagine that because answering that is like erasing my sons. But if he’d admitted in the beginning that he didn’t want kids, I wouldn’t know what I was losing. So would I have stayed with him?”
“I’ve always thought you two were soulmates.”
“We are, and I knew almost immediately that he was the one… but we both wanted kids,” Briar said. “Our dreams and beliefs lined up very well, but as much as I love him, if he hadn’t wanted at least one child, then he wouldn’t have been my soulmate. We started a family later than most couples, but our future plans always aligned. So, I guess that answers your question. If he hadn’t wanted to start a family, that would’ve been my first sign that he wasn’t the man for me.”
“Even if you loved him?” Bel shifted to pull Cerberus’ comforting weight onto her pounding chest. She didn’t like the direction her sister’s reasoning was headed.
“Even if I loved him,” Briar repeated. “Because that love would’ve eventually turned into resentment when he denied my dreams or disappointment when he didn’t change his mind. It’s better to end a relationship and remember it fondly than let it fester into an unrecognizable hatred. You love Eamon. We all see it, but if you want kids, and he doesn’t, it’ll drive a wedge between you. Better to break up before you get in too deep. You still have your own place. You aren’t married. If kids are a deal breaker, make that decision now.”
