Chapter 36
Levi
It’s crazy how fastyour life can change.Mine specifically.I woke up feeling like the luckiest you-know-what in the whole world.I got the girl, I told Jan where to put it, and I’m in my hometown.
I reach up to scratch behind my ear.Everything is itchy and uncomfortable.I feel like I need a Benadryl.Ever since a higher power got brought into our date, we haven’t said one word to each other.It’s not exactly her fault.I haven’t thought of anything clever to say either.The worst part is the day’s not over.There’s no lag time to process my thoughts.Time to pick up the pieces after blowing up my life.I have to drop her off to get changed and then we’re supposed to go to dinner and bowling at six.I was going to take her to Love Circle to watch the sunset, but what’s the point?We fundamentally don’t agree on a very large topic.
I slow the car along the curb of her Airbnb.I’m staring out the front window and so is she.A beat goes by, and finally I hear the click of a seat belt.
“Whelp, thank you for a lovely day.Franklin is such a charming town and I’m sure I’ll never forget it.”
“Yeah, of course.”I press my mouth into the best smile I can manage while feeling like trash.
She nods, opening the door.Once both feet are firmly planted, she grabs her bag of vintage treasures and steps back from the car.There’s a weird ripping inside my chest.“Don’t worry about tonight.I’m kind of wiped out from today anyways,” she says, her emotions pretty zipped up.All but her eyes.The normal hazel has darkened from strain.
“Yeah, okay.”
The door closes.I stay to watch her disappear into the building to torture myself.Man, why do I have to be me.A mess.A pessimistic jerk.I know a good man wouldn’t do the things I’ve done.Wouldn’t completely shut down at the conversation of God.But if there is a God, where was he when I needed him?Why didn’t he stop my dad from leaving?Hold my family together?I slap the steering wheel hard.Dang it.
Once the door shuts behind her and I know she is safe inside, I drive.I drive and drive.I drive circles around this town until the hour comes to go bowling.Tim texts like he said he would.
Tim: Let’s have another good one, yeah?
And then he calls.A couple times.I remind myself it isn’t him who I’m mad at, it’s me.Tim loves all that Jesus stuff.I’m sure they’ll all hit it off tonight.Talkin’ about things I just don’t understand.Never will.I pass the bowling alley.It taunts me with its retro neon letters overlaying a giant bowling ball.My phone rings again.Hastily, I grab the phone from the cupholder, answering the call before pressing it to my ear, shouting, “What?!”
“Levi?You good?Tate just told me you weren’t feeling well.Wanted to check in.I know what a big deal this weekend is for you.How Tate is a big deal to you.”
The knife in my gut presses and twists.It’s over.I’ve lost her again.
“You guys have fun, okay?”I punch out, turning my car in the direction of my house.
“Thanks, man.”Pause.“I think I have a thing for Callie.She’s just so different from anyone I’ve ever met.She’s spontaneous and grounded.She’s easygoing but has great depth.She’s beautiful and beautiful—”
“Stop!If you’re writing a poem, I want off the call.Also, that last line needs work.”
Tim’s laughter fills the phone and for a moment I’m suspended outside of my problems.My friend is happy.
