“I’ve been watching you sitting over there the entire boarding process.Are you sure you want to go?”Her interrogation is friendly, but curious.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I say, and I am.This is Levi’s dream, not mine.I came on a whim, wanting to feel something, anything.But it’s been weeks, and with what happened last night, I’m sure this isn’t the place for me.She scans my ticket and I hear the door close softly on the airport noise behind me as I walk the tunnel to the plane.He chose what he chose, and I did too.Thoughts of him waking up in an empty house haunt me enough to want to walk in reverse, but I don’t.I just take my seat next to the window, stowing my bag under my seat.I watch the steward point to all the exits, but everything’s on mute now.A dull pain creeps over my whole body.A loss of something I’m not sure I ever had.As the plane takes off, I press my face into the oval window, watching LA get smaller and smaller below me.
In a way, I’m envious that Levi has it so figured out.He’s in a relentless pursuit of what he wants.At first, I thought it was delusional, but now, having known him, I really think he’s going to win.With or without Jan and Kim’s scheming.That boy is destined for greatness.As for me, I’ll go back to leading worship.Singing the songs that fill my soul.
I punch out a quick email to Pastor Paul about my return.Just as I hit send, an incoming text wraps the top of my screen.Levi.
Levi: Where’d you go?
I close my phone and my eyes, pain seeping from my chest, closing itself around my throat till I choke on it.
I open my phone again to the notes section and start making a list.Number one—change number.
––––––––
All reservations aboutleaving and coming home have vanished the second I see my mom, dad, sister, granny, and grandpa with a long piece of butcher paper across their chests that says Tate McGregor is already a star!These are my people; this is where I’m supposed to be.The ride home is a regular old Q&A session.Did I meet any famous people while I was there?No.What was it like to perform in front of cameras?Oddly fine.Is Gabriella really that fabulous in person?Absolutely.
My sister, Callie, and I, are tucked in the back of our discolored maroon Suburban shooting each other looks after every cringeworthy question.I have my arm on the center armrest between us as she draws wildflowers, twisting and wrapping their way up to my shoulder.I watch as she focuses on every detail.Her long, straight brown hair is a contrast to my wavy.I missed this.I missed her.I missed them.
My dad clears his throat.“Tate.”
I look up to find his eyes on mine.“Hmm,” I respond, distracted by the rolling ink under my elbow.
“What’s going on with that Levi kid?You seemed to be spending a lot of time with him.”
The sound of his name has me sputtering on air.Callie picks up her celery-colored paint pen, glaring at me for moving her canvas.I watch as her eyes decide how she will rework the strayed line, tilting her head side to side.I realign my arm, this time palm up.When my lungs stop aspirating, I look up, hoping he forgot I never answered, but he didn’t.If anything, he’s more curious.
“We’re just friends.”Or...we were, I think to myself.Levi will probably hate me for leaving.Hate me for not telling him.I open my text messages to his name.He’s added two more since his first.
Levi: You left?
Levi: Call me please.
I stare at the words.I’m not mad at him...am I?No, maybe a little disappointed though.
“HAAAA!”My dad’s laugh bursts out of him.One of my favorite sounds in the whole world.“Since when did we start locking lips with friends?”His eyes water with joy.
“Dad, can you please be normal and pretend you didn’t see any of that!”I squeal into the ceiling of the car.
“No can do, kiddo.Watching you blush gives me too much joy.”
“Impossible,” I say through a begrudging smile.
Callie looks up from a sunflower bursting over my bicep.“You don’t have to tell him, but you do have to tell me.”Her dark-brown eyes glimmer with curiosity, making her the copper ring around her irises almost glow.
“Of course, but I’ll warn you now, it’s not all that interesting,” I whisper.
“This is the first guy you’ve spent more than a couple days with in...forever.He must be somewhat special.”She rotates my arm unnaturally to get to the back of my bicep where a large butterfly is coming into form.I think of Levi as blips of our time together filter through my mind.Our first meeting on the driveway, the pantry disaster, the diner, practicing in the studio, watching Matilda, the pier, and then last night’s fallout.How in just over a month he’s etched himself into me.
“You good?”Callie asks, her eyes scanning mine.
“Yeah, of course.I’m just thinking about what’s next.”I look out the window just as we’re rolling down my childhood street.I don’t think I ever really appreciated this place enough, but having been gone, being back feels like it’s resuscitating me.The houses along the Mississippi River all squeeze together into a rainbow-like belt.Turquoise, coral, yellow, and lavender all living together under an umbrella of oak trees dripping with Spanish moss, a welcome sight.
