“What is it?”he softly asks.
“There’s more.”I take an exaggerated breath.“So, I’ve been on dates and stuff.”This makes him laugh.Not at me, but more like he already assumed that.
“Of course,” he finally says through a smile.At this angle I can swan dive into his eyes, and I just know there would be a splash because they’re so blue.So electric, so telling of everything he’s feeling.He’s happy.“Just tell me, Tate.”
“I’m kind of...waiting.”
“For...”His eyes narrow, confused.
“Marriage?”
His face seems to freeze over.I’m not even sure if he’s breathing anymore.And finally, “Like, you haven’t...”
“Nope.I want it to mean something when it happens.”
He nods, but I’m not sure he understands.His thumb works circles on the side of my knees before looking up at me again.I prepare myself for all the lame goodbyes I’ve heard after that kiss-of-death statement.I prepare for him to board himself up in his room and only see him in passing, the Santa Monica Pier living in my head for eternity.But then a soft smile stretches on his face.
“That’s really cool, Tate.I’m going to start the oven so we can eat, but I’m not walking away because of anything you said.”
Now it’s my turn for my heart to completely stop.Did he say that?And mean it?Cool?My celibacy is...cool.Once the oven is preset for 400, I watch as he starts layering the chips, beans, cheese.
“Nachos?”My voice is like the croak from a frog, but if he notices, he doesn’t say so.
“It’s not a steak dinner, but we don’t really have ingredients to make much.”It comes out like an apology, a wound I quickly Band-Aid.
“I love nachos.Thank you.”
“Hey, I was thinking,” he says, glancing up at me once, “would you want to eat and then sit in the jacuzzi for a bit?If you’ve had enough of me, I totally understand.”
“Jacuzzi sounds nice.”
He slides the loaded cookie sheet into the oven, forearms flexing like an aggressive wink.“This will be done in about ten minutes.I’m going to change quickly if you wanna do the same.”
***
The phone rings twicebefore Gabriella answers.
“You better have a good reason for calling me again.”The threat sounds like it’s being filtered through closed teeth.
“I know, I know, I know, but I neeeed another swimsuit and I didn’t know who else to call.”The string of words rushes from my mouth.No breaths.No breaks.My head drops into my palm, the weight of it all of a sudden too heavy to bear.
“I take it the conversation went well then...”
I walk over to the side of my bed and take a seat.My mouth works extra hard to conceal a big dopey smile.“It did.Better than I ever could have dreamed, which brings forth a whole new problem.”
“Meh, stay in the moment.Okay, if you go into my dresser in the closet, second drawer from the bottom, you will see all my suits.Help yourself, but I have to go.Call me in the morning.”She hangs up before I have time to whine for more direction, as in, specifically which suit.I kneel before the dresser, pulling out the specified drawer only to find it stuffed to the brim with bathing suits of every shape and color.A lot with tags still on them.She lives in Chicago...this feels extra.I pick up my phone to properly tease her when I notice she has already beat me to a text.
Gabriella: Wear the yellow one.
I don’t have to dig too far before I find it.The top has a square neck with built-in underwire and cups, and no extra padding, whereas the bottoms are pretty modest, looking like they’ll cover most of my backside.I thought the black one was pretty, but this?This fabric is straight sunshine.I sit on the chaise to pull my leggings off, slipping on the bottoms, opting to pull them up and over the hip for the optical illusion that my legs are long.The top is next.I stare at myself in really nothing but Levi’s shirt, loving how it feels.I pull the neck up once more to inhale him, labeling the smell.He’s pine and cedar and— There’s a knock...here?
“Levi?”I call, walking into the main room, but when the door opens it’s Jan.
“Nope!Sorry to disappoint.”She’s not sorry.
“When you’re done getting dressed, meet us in the kitchen so we can discuss what happened today.”And just like that, she’s gone.Not another word.Quickly, I run back to the closet, throw on the top and a tie-dyed sundress over the top of that.When I get downstairs, Levi is sitting on a barstool in nothing but trunks, slumped over.
