“You guys think he’s okay?”I ask, sneaking a glance through the window behind me but seeing nothing but my own reflection shining back at me.The wear of the day has taken a toll and maybe I went too far.He was laughing though, and I saw an opening.I don’t know.I take a sip of my water.Trying to not overthink.
“He’s fine, Tate,” Gabriella says with an eye roll.“That boy is too up and down sometimes.”
“He definitely can be unpredictable,” Clay chimes in.“He told me he is going to win the competition, and it’s weird, but I kind of believe him.He’s got this strange drive.I don’t know.”He brushes it off, but Gabriella’s head is already collapsed in lines.
“Just because he’s driven doesn’t mean he’s going to win.It’s a talent competition.”
“No, I know,” Clay diverts, scratching the back of his neck.“But you know how some people have that it factor?I just feel like he’s going to make something of himself.”
Tiffany cuts through the conversation, carrying three plates on her forearm with impressive balance.“Alright, I have one cup of soup,” she says, setting down a steaming bowl in front of Gabriella, “and one stack of pancakes and one big breakfast combo.”She sets both in front of Clay before promising to be back with the rest and leaving.
“I better go get him before our food comes.”
Gabriella drops the spoonful of soup she’s been blowing on and sighs.“If you must,” she says and scoots from the booth.I slide out behind her and head towards the door.Outside, cars whir by, and stampedes of people dressed for a night out cover sidewalks as they flow in and out of restaurants, bars, and clubs.It’s been hard to distinguish day from night here.It feels like a wheel that never stops moving.The tiny corner parking lot is about half-filled with cars...and one man taking up curb space, head resting between his knees.He looks nothing like the trash-talking confident man from the first day I arrived, or even from just moments before.
“Is this seat taken?”It’s a joke, but when he lifts his head to reveal a damp, powder-white complexion, I instantly regret my opening remark.
“I’m fine.I just needed some air.”
“You’re not fine.You look awful.”
“Thanks,” he mocks, dropping his head back between his legs.
“You know what I mean.Are you sick?”I lean forward, trying to see between those tree trunks he calls legs.He takes one long, audible inhale that zips his spine back upright.He stretches his neck from one side to another, a pained look on his face.
“I...occasionally have panic attacks.I haven’t had them in a while, but they seem to be back.”
Slowly I reach out to rub his back with the caution asserted when petting a crocodile or any other wild animal.When I make contact with the smooth cotton of his shirt, hand still intact, I rub big circles onto his back.I know absolutely nothing about panic attacks, but whenever I had a bad day at school, my mom would do this, and it would instantly make me feel better or make the problem feel smaller...at least for a minute.Beneath my hand, his back muscles feel less tight as his breathing slows back to its normal rhythm.I make another half circle before my hand drops, and he comes to a stand.
“We’d better go inside.No one likes a cold burger,” he finally says.
“You go.I’m going to sit out here for another minute.”When I look back up at him, his skin is back to its normal sandy complexion and the light is back in his eyes.He doesn’t move, just stands there, and I get the feeling a lot goes on up in that head of his.
“If you’re going to stay, can you at least sit down?You’re like the Grim Reaper behind me.”Levi obliges, reclaiming his spot next to me on the curb.His posture is still tight, and the blue of his eyes is screaming, I don’t want to talk about it.
“You know...”I tiptoe into dangerous territory.“Even if you don’t win everything, it will still be ok...”
But before I can even finish my sentence, his head is wagging back and forth like the tail of a happy golden retriever.“No, uh-uh.Winning is a part of my plan, you see.”He turns a bit to face me.“This has to happen, or my life won’t happen.”
“Says who?”I ask softly.
“Me.Who else?If it is to be, it’s up to me.”
“Man, that’s a lot of pressure.I probably would have panic attacks too if I felt that way.”
“What other way is there to think?You got here because you have a good voice and then you drove to that audition in Nashville.You—”
“How did you know I auditioned in Nashville?”I cock my head as my mind travels back to that day, trying to remember if he was there.I feel like Levi is noticeable anywhere.
“I was right behind you for hours, but you had your mom, and I’m guessing your sister, with you there.”
“Yeah, that’s Callie.She’s the best.They both are.I miss them so much...It’s my first time being away.”I let out a heavy breath.“What about you?Any siblings?”
“Nope.Just me and my mom.”His smile flatlines as he reaches back to scratch his nape before standing again.“You ready to go eat?Because I can’t leave you in a parking lot at night.”
“I’m a big girl,” I say, rolling my shoulders back.
“No, you’re not, and even if you were, I’m not sure it would matter.”
